


Solar Eclipse: Edward's Story

by edwardskhakipants



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Edward's POV, F/M, Retelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edwardskhakipants/pseuds/edwardskhakipants
Summary: Eclipse in Edward's POV with a much-needed upgrade.Edward has finally returned to his love and his life in Forks. As he struggles to put back the pieces of his broken relationship, he realizes they didn’t fit quite right to begin with. Bella and Edward must learn to reshape the pieces, so what they rebuild can stand strong for their forever together
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 21
Kudos: 33





	1. Ultimatum

**Author's Note:**

> A note for the entire fic: Eclipse and the entire Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyer. Unfortunately, I think she dropped the ball a bit when she wrote Eclipse, and it is my intention to fix it.

The lofty living room of the Cullen household had been transformed into an art studio while we were at school. Various flowers, fruits, and glass vessels were strategically arranged on a table covered in a white cloth in the middle of the room. Matching white curtains draped gracefully behind the scene, with bright, studio lights shining down on them to enhance the shadows. My family stood in a semi-circle around it behind our individual easels, sketching out the scene in charcoal.

This was Esme’s idea of a perfect family activity. I guessed it was better than the family photoshoot Rosalie had arranged or an afternoon of Tai Chi with Jasper. Carlisle and Esme had suggested that the family should partake in activities every afternoon together. They claimed that it was purely because the family had missed me while I was away and wanted to spend time with me.

I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know the real reason behind this notion. If left to my own devices I would be off in the woods, curled into a ball of misery, punishing myself for what I did to the people I loved most. It would not be ideal, though. No. My ideal activity would include some dregs of humanness so I could drown on my tears or choke on my vomit. As a vampire, my impermeable skin and supernatural strength made it impossible for me to feel the physical pain that I deserved. And what I deserved was the cruelest of tortures after putting a literal angel on Earth, Isabella Swan, through so much grief.

The charcoal snapped in my hand.

I heard the thoughts and felt the attention of the family turn towards me.

“Sorry,” I grumbled, not looking up.

They went back to work without muttering a word.

Last September, I had made the stupidest decision of my life. I lied to my heart and soul by telling her I no longer loved her. It seemed like the right move at the time. After all, I was a bloodthirsty monster, and Bella was a beautiful human girl with her whole life ahead of her. Watching her put her life on hold for my sake tore at my heart, but I was not strong enough to walk away from her. I fed myself lie after lie, convincing myself that my presence was beneficial to her. Until the one final incident threatened her life. Then, I could no longer pretend that I was any good for her.

I struggled to survive without her, clinging to the hope that she was happier without me. It turned out that she couldn’t cope without me any more than I could without her, and even with me thousands of miles away, she was still in harm’s way—most of the time, she deliberately stepped in harm’s way for the chance to hear my voice. After a fatal miscommunication, Bella had saved my life and was miraculously back in my arms. Despite all I had done to her, she remained in my arms, forgiving me for all the things I deemed hopelessly reprehensible.

“Alright,” Esme clapped her hands, “Everyone turn your easels!”

We all complied, turning our work towards the center of the room for everyone to see. Naturally, Esme’s was perfection, with Rosalie close behind.

“Look at Eddie’s,” Emmett pointed, “only he could manage to make a vase of flowers and a bottle look like a tragedy.”

Esme studied my drawing for a bit. “Edward as a particular… style, Emmett.” She looked back at his work and sighed, “As do you, it would seem. I don’t know why you don’t think I’ll see that every time, young man.” she scolded. As per usual, Emmett hid phallic imagery in his drawing. I rolled my eyes at his childishness.

We went around the room, giving constructive criticism to each artist using what Esme called a Critique Sandwich: something we liked about the piece, something they needed to work on, and another thing we liked. After each family member was properly criticized, we broke apart for our nightly activities. I readied myself to leave for Bella’s house, already anxious to see her after a mere four hours apart.

“Edward,” Carlisle called, his thoughts suspiciously in another language, “Could you please spare a moment for your mother and I before you head out for the night?”

 _Uh oh, golden boy’s in trouble,_ Emmett sang in his mind.

I gave him my smuggest smile, “How do you know we’re not discussing your recent purchase, One-Eyed Willy?”

Emmett’s humor disappeared as he dared me to snitch with his eyes. After watching _The Goonies_ earlier this year, Emmett decided to set up a little treasure hunt of his own. While he waited for Alice and me to graduate high school, he went around the Pacific Northwest, hiding cryptic clues and messages in random basements and storage units. Last week, he purchased a second island and turned a good chunk of money into physical assets for the treasure-hunter to find. All with this, of course, without Esme and Carlisle’s knowledge.

As the family mind-reader, he didn’t have to ask me how I knew. He thought many things at me, but none of them were close to remorseful. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to meet our parents in Carlisle’s study.

“Charlie came into the hospital today,” Carlisle casually mentioned as I sat down on the small sofa beside Esme. He assured me immediately that it was purely a social visit and there was nothing wrong with Bella’s father.

I was never Charlie’s first choice for Bella, and my return into her life was against his better judgment. He didn’t know what I said to her in those woods last September, but he didn’t really care. Bella had gone all but catatonic in my absence, and Charlie had to bear witness to such a travesty alone. And he knew it was all my fault.

My father continued, “Charlie wanted to talk to me about your relationship with Bella. He believes the two of you are getting too serious too quickly again and unless we figure out a way to cool you both down, we’re going to be right back where we were in September.”

“I will never leave her again,” I vowed.

Esme took my hand in hers, “We know that Dear, but we must say that we agree with Charlie.”

Charlie wanted one thing and one thing alone: for me to stay far, far away from his daughter. And if my parents agreed with him, they wanted me away from her, too.

Esme’s hands were now stroking my face, correctly gaging my expression, “No, no, not anything like that, Darling. Your father and I cannot wait until the day Bella joins the family. However, we agree with Charlie in the way that you two should get to a healthier place before taking any steps forward.”

“I already proposed,” I argued.

“Then, it’s a good thing she said no,” Carlisle grinned teasingly.

I glared daggers at him, which only made his smile grow.

“I think slowing down would be beneficial for both of you,” Esme continued, “Perhaps, if in the beginning, you and Bella went a little bit slower, she could have continued to build her relationships with the other students... And perhaps if she had other friends and other hobbies outside of the Cullen family, you would not have felt that you were taking so much away from her... And perhaps you wouldn’t have left…”

I was a complete moron. I had snatched Bella out of the human world and kept her beside me for months, preventing her from forming any bonds with anyone else. Then, I thought I could simply plop her back in the world she belonged in, without the support and backup she would have needed to get through our break-up _because I didn’t let her make any friends._

Esme caressed my cheek, “Edward, I am not blaming you.” She gestured her other hand towards her husband, “Carlisle and I should have stepped in and helped you. Offered advice even when you did not seek it out. It was my fault…”

I took her hand from my cheek and held it in mine. “Esme, please—” I could not stand the thought that my mother deserved any of the blame for the worst decision of my life.

“Edward, let your mother finish,” Carlisle chastised.

Esme smiled back at me, “I was so happy that you had finally found your love, that I didn’t see what was happening.” She laughed lightly, “I fear that I was blinded by your love. Carlisle and I should have been helping you, guiding you. And we are going to do that now. Charlie is going to ask Bella tonight during dinner to add more balance into her life, and so will we. We want both of you to start making plans with other people.”

My mouth hung wide open. “I already get so little of her! Nights and weekends!”

She pointed her finger, “And you are lucky we turn the other cheek towards those nights, young man.”

Carlisle spoke up, “You can still have school nights with her, but for one day every weekend you must spend time apart.”

“And what do you expect me to do?” I asked sarcastically, “I’m not sure the Pep Club takes any new members this late in the year.”

Carlisle chuckled.

“I know you have two brothers who love and miss you,” Esme suggested softly.

It was true. I had been a terrible brother since I started my relationship with Bella. For years, Jasper and Emmett had taken the time out of their relationships to spend time with their lonely brother. However, I did not extend the same courtesy to them.

“I’m… I’m not sure if it would work. Bella needs me as much as I need her. I’m scared spending more time away from her would give her doubts,” I explained.

“That’s why it’s so important to do this,” Carlisle said, “You need to face the facts. You and Bella aren’t getting any better since you returned from Italy. The two of you are only truly happy when you’re together, and that’s not how healthy relationships work, son.”

I looked up at my father’s kind face, read his kind thoughts. “I don’t know what to do about it,” I admitted.

Esme squeezed my hand still intertwined with hers, “That’s okay, Edward. Your father and I are going to help you.”

I wanted to tell them that Bella and I were fine, but I noticed the time on Carlisle’s grandfather clock.

“I’m going to be late to Bella’s,” I rose from the sofa, “If I’m not there on time…” I let that sentence hang in the air. If I wasn’t there on time, I risked the chance of Bella having a panic attack. Three weeks ago, I was late picking her up for school because Alice and I had a minor altercation after she hid all of my slacks when I refused to wear the ‘skinny jeans’ she purchased for me. Even though I was only ten minutes late, I found a broken Bella curled up on the bench of her truck, fully believing that I had left her again.

I had inadvertently proven my parents’ point. If I couldn’t risk being late to meet with my girlfriend without her thinking I left her, we were in trouble. As usual, Carlisle and Esme were right. Bella and I weren’t in a good place, no matter how good it felt to be in her arms. Probably because I _only_ felt good when I was in her arms.

Carlisle and Esme looked at me expectantly.

“You’re both right,” I acquiesced, “I’ll follow your advice, starting with time apart from Bella.” 

“We’re only doing this because we love you and Bella, and we want your relationship to succeed,” Carlisle reassured me.

I smiled fondly at both of my parents, “I know,” I took a deep breath, “I know.”

Sighing and hating my incompetence at all things romance, I dashed out the front door and into my Volvo. The trip to Bella’s house was quick, and I made it right on time. I parked my car and gathered the materials from the backseat for tonight’s activity. Coincidentally, Charlie and Bella were discussing her new acceptance letter and her plans for fall as I walked up to her front door. I saved her from lying to her father about her plans with a light knock on the door. Bella’s ideal plans involved a bite and three days of excruciating pain…

Bella struggled with the simple deadbolt but eventually wrenched open the front door. I couldn’t help the smile that broke on my face whenever I saw her. I may have a perfect memory, but nothing could truly capture her beauty. Her large, chocolate eyes that warmed and melted when they met mine, her high cheekbones and the beautiful blush that colored them, her full lips, just a little too big for her heart-shaped face.

My smile grew.

Bella reached for my hand, and a little zap of electricity hummed as it always seemed to do when we touched.

“Hey.” Her little smile would be the death of me someday.

I raised our interlocked hands to brush Bella’s cheek with the back of my hand. “How was your afternoon?”

“Slow.”

I thought about Esme’s little art class that dragged on for what felt like years, “For me, as well.”

I pulled her wrist up to my face and closed my eyes and allowed myself to take in her perfect scent. At one point, I would have taken down entire civilizations for just a mere taste of my singer's blood. Now, the thought seemed abhorrent to me; I couldn’t drink Bella’s blood any more than I could eat my own hand.

Charlie made his presence known to break us up. His distaste for me seemed to grow each and every day, though I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve it.

One of us had to act civil to please our favorite girl, so I greeted him warmly, “Good evening, Charlie.”

He only grunted—his version of civility.

“I brought another set of applications.” I shook the manilla folder in my hand to bring her attention away from my face. Not that I minded her stare.

She groaned at the sight.

“There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions.”

The tendrils of the worst decision of my life reached far and wide, one of them being Bella’s schoolwork. Because of _me_ , Bella had gone from a straight-A student, to barely passing in the span of six months. The cherry on top of this hell cake was that Bella had not applied to any colleges. The darkest part of my mind told me it was because she did not expect to live that long. My love, however, simply claimed that she “wasn’t in the mood”. Regardless, it was my job to clean up the mess I had made, and getting Bella into a good school to set her up for a good future was high on my list of priorities.

Charlie surprised me by initiating a conversation with me. “Speaking of college applications, Edward, Bella, and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you’re going to school?” He only asked so he could begin his research to convince Bella into going anywhere else.

I wasn’t going to give him any ammunition, no matter how bulletproof I was. “Not yet, I’ve received a few acceptance letters, but I’m still weighing my options.”

“Where have you been accepted?”

I hadn’t actually applied anywhere as _Edward Cullen_ , but I did have several aliases accepted my usuals. “Syracuse… Harvard… Dartmouth…” maybe that was laying it on a little thick, but it was working. Charlie could hardly contain his awe, “I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast today.” I turned to wink at Bella; she stifled a cute, little giggle that warmed my chest.

“Harvard? Dartmouth? Well, that’s pretty…” he didn’t want to compliment me outright, “that’s something. Yeah, but University of Alaska… you wouldn’t really want to consider that when you could go Ivy League. I mean, your father would want you to…”

“Carlisle’s always fine with whatever I choose to do.”

Charlie was not a fan of that response.

“Guess what, Edward?” Bella chirped.

“What, Bella?”

She pointed to her acceptance letter on the edge of the table, putting too much enthusiasm into our little bit, “I just got _my_ acceptance letter to the University of Alaska!”

Her bad acting was too adorable, I didn’t have to play up a smile, “Congratulations! What a coincidence.”

Charlie didn’t buy it. Now that it was clear that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of me tonight, he made his leave, “Fine. I’m going to watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty.”

“Er, Dad?” Bella said, coyly, “Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom…?”

Jacob Black’s face flashed through his mind—the person Charlie actually hoped to help by dropping Bella’s sentence. He didn’t mean for it to help _me._ “Right. Okay, _ten_ -thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights.”

I heard a snippet of this conversation on my drive over here, but I wanted to be sure—hear it with my own ears, “Bella’s no longer grounded?”

Charlie thought about Jacob once more. “Conditionally. What’s it to you?”

The well-being of Charlie’s daughter meant _everything_ to me, but I chose to go down a path that didn’t involve myself to keep Charlie in his relatively pleasant mood. However, mentioning Alice and city lights had the opposite effect. The sound that came out of Charlie was almost as monstrous as I was.

Bella flinched back at the sound. “Dad! What’s the problem?”

Charlie relaxed enough to spit out the words, “I don’t want you going to Seattle right now.”

Bella still didn’t understand her father’s outburst, and he reminded her of a string of murders in Seattle that they must have discussed earlier. Bella tried to quell her father’s fears, but I stepped in. I knew the truth about the murders in Seattle, and I wouldn’t have my beloved Isabella anywhere near that city, either.

I grabbed the newspaper Charlie must have been referencing to see if there were any new developments. “I didn’t mean Seattle. I was thinking of Portland, actually. I wouldn’t have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not.”

I could feel the stares of both Swans but my attention was on the paper, searching for any more clues of vampirism. My family had been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs were there--the unlikely disappearances, always at night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence. All of this pointed to a newborn loose in Seattle.

I was nervous about this newborn for a myriad of reasons. First, was the obvious. My beautiful, human girlfriend had an alluring scent as well as a history of bad luck. If Bella stepped into Seattle, this vampire could easily take an interest in her scent and follow her, then the family could be stuck with a whole other James scenario. Second, if this vampire got too messy the Volturi would step in. This idiot newborn has had too many kills too close together; it was starting to become suspicious. If the Volturi stepped into this region to eradicate the threat of exposure, they would also check on Bella, and either force her to change prematurely or kill her outright. My third, secret fear was that as Bella watched the massacre unfold, it would finally dawn on her what dangerous monsters vampires truly were, and she would no longer want to join me. It was a realization I desperately wanted her to have, and a realization I wanted to avoid at all costs.

A scuffle of paper and a snort pulled me from my train of thought. “Bella?”

“Be serious, Edward. _Dartmouth?”_

I took the application she carelessly tossed aside and placed it in front of her once more, “I think you’d like New Hampshire. There’s a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife.” I pulled out my best smile, in hopes of dazzling her, as she’s often claimed me of doing.

It didn’t work.

I continued to bargain with her, “I’ll let you pay me back, if that makes you happy. If you want, I can charge you interest.”

“Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe. Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we even having this discussion?”

 _Because I have ruined your life in every conceivable way, and I need to set things right._ “Will you just fill out the application please, Bella? It won’t hurt you to apply.”

Defiance sparkled in her beautiful chocolate eyes. Before she could do anything rash, I placed the application back into its folder and stored it safely in my jacket. I was finished before she even voiced her threat.

“What are you doing?” she demanded when she noticed the empty table.

“I sign your name better than you do yourself. You’ve already written the essays.”

“You’re going way overboard with this, you know. I really don’t need to apply anywhere else. I’ve been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester’s tuition. It’s as good an alibi as any. there’s no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter whose it is.”

“Bella—.”

“Don’t start. I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlie’s sake, but we both know I’m not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people.”

“I thought the timing was still undecided. You might enjoy a semester or two of college. there are a lot of human experiences you’ve never had.”

The defiant spark was back. “I’ll get to those afterward.”

I thought through all of _my_ college experiences. Always on the professor’s bad side due to poor attendance. Unable to live in a dorm with a roommate under such heavy scrutiny. Keeping any friend that manages to look past my vampire oddities at an arm’s length. Bella deserved more than the Cullen family’s pretend college experience. She deserved the real thing! She deserved the world! “They won’t be _human_ experiences afterward. You don’t get a second chance at humanity, Bella.”

She sighed, “You’ve got to be reasonable about timing, Edward. It’s just too dangerous to mess around with.”

“There’s no danger yet,” I swore.

She didn’t seem to believe me.

My voice grew softer as I took in the panic in the eyes of my love—the panic she tried so hard to cover, “Bella, there’s no hurry. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need.”

“I want to hurry,” she whispered, trying to smile away the fear, “I want to be a monster too.”

My teeth snapped together. Creating a monster out of this lovely, perfect girl was my biggest fear, “You have no idea what you’re saying.” I flung the paper back onto the table in front of her and pointed to the headline:

**DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE,**

**POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY**

“What does that have to do with anything?” Bella asked.

“Monsters are not a joke, Bella.”

She read the headline again, “A… a _vampire_ is doing this?”

I gave my love a hard smile, “You’d be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It’s easy to recognize when you know what to look for. The information here indicates that a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were.”

 _The way you will be._.. She seemed to be the mind reader because her eyes looked down in shame.

I went over the evidence with Bella and explained to her how often this occurred. Trying once again to talk her out of the inevitable change I hated and desired so desperately.

“It won’t be the same for me,” Bella promised herself, “You won’t let me be like that. We’ll live in Antarctica.

I snorted at the thought, “Penguins. Lovely.”

Bella laughed at my expression and knocked the paper off the edge of the table. “Alaska, then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau—somewhere with grizzlies galore.”

I nodded my head in approval, “Better. There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large.”

Bella’s mouth fell open and her eyes glazed over. I recognized that look immediately. It was the look Bella got when she was trying not to think, not to remember. It happened whenever I accidentally did or said something that reminded her of the painful months we were apart. I reviewed my last sentence, already telling myself that I would never say any of those words in that order ever again.

I softened my voice and ducked my head so I met her gaze, “Hey, I’m sorry. Forget the wolves. I’m sorry I suggested something offensive to you. I should be more careful.”

“He was my best friend, Edward. Of course it offends me.”

I knew not to touch her when Bella experienced a panic attack, but it didn’t seem like she would get to that point. Not tonight. I reached around the table and ran my fingers through her silky hair. I let my voice get even softer, “Please forgive my thoughtlessness. I shouldn’t have suggested that.”

She still stared straight ahead. This was what scared me the most when she shut herself in like this. I could handle the tears and the screaming, but the silence? No. The silence was torture.

I removed my hand from Bella’s hair and placed a finger under her chin to coax her into looking at me. “Bella?”

To my immense relief, Bella snapped back to reality. “I know. I know it’s not the same thing. I shouldn’t have acted that way. It’s just that… well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over. Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He’s hurting right now, and… it’s my fault.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Bella.”

Bella got up from her seat and walked around the table. I opened my arms for her, and she sat on my lap and nuzzled her face into my neck.

“I know we’ve talked about this before. Please just listen for a minute, this is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in _pain_. I can’t _not_ try to help him—I can’t give up on him now when he needs me. Just because he’s not human all the time… Well, he was there for me when I was… not so human myself. You don’t know what it was like…” My arms went rigid around her.

Bella continued on with her speech, her voice shaking more and more with each word, “If Jacob hadn’t helped me… I’m not sure what you would have come home to if he… If you...” She was on the verge of losing it.

“Shhh, Sweetheart. It’s alright, I’m here now.”

She squeezed her little body closer to my chest as if that was all that mattered.

“Bella,” I gently reminded her, “You cannot go to La Push without protection, my love. Jacob can come here, or you two can go anywhere in Forks.” I knew it was cruel. I knew it was unfair. But I had come too close to losing my love in the past. _I would not lose her again._

Bella whimpered, the sound was a dagger in my heart, “But he won’t come _here_ , Edward. He won’t answer my calls or any of my letters.”

“I am so sorry, Bella. I am _not_ going to tolerate anything dangerous.”

“You have to trust me on this. I’ll be fine.”

She was so trusting, so willing to put her own life in danger for others. I had seen it too many times—offering her life for her mother’s with James, risking her life with dangerous stunts to hear my voice, running into a coven of bloodthirsty vampires to save me from destroying myself. I shouldn’t be surprised that my brave little angel would not see the harm in interacting with a pack of volatile werewolves for the sake of her friend. She would probably do anything to help him, and that thought frightened me.

“Please, Bella,” I whispered.

“Please what?”

“Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I’ll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help.”

“I’ll work on it,” she grumbled adorably. 

I tucked her head under my chin, “Do you have any idea how important you are to me?” Any concept at all of how much I love you?”

Bella pressed her lips to his neck, “I know how much I love you.”

“You compare one small tree to the entire forest.”

She made a small sound of disbelief. “Impossible.”

I tucked her in closer to me, hopelessly wishing that my love for her would be enough to keep her safe for a little while longer.


	2. Evasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eclipse belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just here to fix it.   
> This chapter contains direct quotes from Eclipse Chapter 2

Forks High School had been… different since my return. The staff had given Esme grief for moving Alice and me too frequently, telling her it would ruin our education. We were no longer the quiet golden children to the teachers, but now an awkward burden. Though Alice and I assured them we were fine, we had to take multiple tests to see where we stood in each course. 

To both Bella’s and my displeasure, our relationship was back on the list of hot gossip. Whispers followed us as we walked down the hallway hand-in-hand, random students approached Bella, looking for details. Half of the student body thought I returned to Bella out of pity for the miserable state in which I had left her; the other half figured my good looks and family fortune lured her back to me. Only two people in this school knew that love was the real reason behind our reunion: Angela Weber and her boyfriend, Ben. Angela could see the change in Bella from day one and knew that my love for her returned the light to her eyes.

The kind-hearted couple sat with Bella, Alice, and me during lunch. For Bella’s sake, they had made a great effort to befriend both Alice and me and hardly ever let their uneasiness show. Normal people didn’t make friends with the Cullens—that was Bella’s particular disfunction. Normal people always felt a certain amount of discomfort when in close proximity to us. Ben made sure to keep a decent amount of space between us while we discussed his latest comic book and Angela scooted her chair back infinitesimally when Alice sat beside her.

“Have you sent out your announcements, yet?” Angela asked the other girls.

“No.” Bella sounded relieved at that fact, “There’s really no point, really. Renee knows when I’m graduating. Who else is there?”

“How about you, Alice?” Angela inquired.

“All done,” My sister answered with a smile. Because there was no one to announce anything to, she was technically right.

“Lucky you,” Angela sighed as Ben rubbed her back supportively, “My mother has a thousand cousins, and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I’m going to get carpal tunnel. I can’t put it off any longer and I’m just dreading it.”

“I’ll help you, Bella offered unexpectedly, “If you don’t mind my awful handwriting.”

I smiled at that. It pleased me that Bella wanted to get together with Angela—that would count as balance in Charlie’s leger, and she didn’t have to go to La Push for it.

“Me too!” Alice offered, as well. “I have wonderful handwriting,” she beamed.

“That’s so nice of you!” Angela was thrilled—a little terrified of the idea of Alice Cullen in her home—but thrilled nonetheless.

The girls continued making plans; Alice offered to drive them to Port Angeles to a stationary store she loved. Bella suggested she could be on stamp duty to save the US Postal Service from the headache of her handwriting.

Midsentence, Alice and I were thrown out of the high school cafeteria into one of her visions. In the scene in front of us, Victoria was racing through a river, using the running water to help mask her scent. Once we were released, Alice and I sifted through the details of the vision, trying to figure out exactly where Victoria was and how close she was to Bella. Alice decided she and Jasper would go for a run tonight to try to pinpoint the location. She was made decisions on where the two would run, each turn unlocking a new future, searching for the path that would lead her and Jasper to this spot…

Angela’s voice pulled me from Alice’s thoughts and I jumped into hers. “Alice? Alice!” she cried, waving her hand in front of Alice’s face. Her thoughts were clouded with concern for the empty stare and lifeless eyes that Alice displayed when she was watching a vision play out in her head. Angela was rifling through the symptoms of diseases she had learned from her favorite hospital shows and was deciding whether she should call a teacher, the school nurse, or dial 9-1-1 herself.

None of those circumstances would be ideal—I needed to take the edge off of the situation and decided to brush it off as a joke. “Is it naptime already, Alice?”

It was the right move; Angela’s fears had already ebbed at my nonreaction. _Her brother would be used to her odd behavior, I guess. People always say that Alice Cullen gets this way sometimes..._

Alice snapped back into reality with a jolt. “Sorry, I was daydreaming, I guess.”

“Daydreaming’s better than facing two more hours of school,” Ben nodded, sticking his nose back into his comic book, where things made more sense to him.

 _I think this is common among epileptics…_ Angela mused. _I wonder… Oh well… If Edward’s calm, that’s good enough. Bella always says how protective he is of her, I’m sure it’s the same for his sister…_

Bella seemed concerned over my sister’s apparent episode as well. Since Bella knew the truth behind Alice’s blank stares, she was probably worried about what was so important in Alice’s mind that she would let her normally impeccable human façade slip. I couldn’t tell her about Victoria’s plan, not yet. She had suffered so much already because of me, the one thing I could do for her would be to take care of Victoria quietly, as far away from Bella as possible. That would be the key. Keeping Victoria as far away from Bella as possible.

I began running my fingers through Bella’s silky hair to calm my nerves.

 _You’re getting Bella out of Forks?_ Alice questioned in my mind. She looked over at me briefly to watch me look up at the ceiling tiles—my silent way of saying yes.

Lunch ended and I chatted with Ben about our calculus assignment so Bella couldn’t press me to reveal Alice’s vision. It was easy to get Ben talking just by asking him a question or two on one of his favorite topics. I managed the same trick between the rest of our classes, easily conversing with someone else to prevent Bella from asking the question that was in her eyes. When our last class ended, I caught up to Mike Newton and began making small talk all the way to the parking lot.

As she always did, Bella saw right through me. “What was _that_ about?” she asked as I held open the passenger door of my car for her.

I kept my voice light, “Just being helpful.” _…by giving myself and Alice enough time to come up with a plan to keep you safe, my darling,_ I finished in my head.

I still didn’t know what I was going to say when Bella asked me about Alice’s vision, but fortunately, Alice was prepared. The drive to Bella’s house was filled with Alice’s chatter from the backseat. Bella couldn’t hope to compete.

“Are you two coming in?” Bella asked when I pulled into her driveway.

I grimaced and shook my head.

Alice poked her head between the two front seats, “ _Your_ punishment may be over, but Edward’s punishment is still in full swing.”

I laughed, “Punishment? And here I thought it was family bonding.”

Alice hopped over the center console of the car and plopped down in the front seat, “You and I both know family fun is the worst form of punishment.” I laughed along with her.

Bella did not agree with our assessment, “You two are just ungrateful. Nothing involving Esme could ever be a punishment.”

“That’s because you’ve never participated in one of her family sing-a-longs,” Alice trilled.

We waited until Bella was safely inside before taking off, flying down the mountain roads towards our house. My humor over the situation diminished as the miles I put between Bella and myself grew. It was utterly and completely unfair that my punishment continued after Bella’s. Carlisle and Esme cannot take my weekday afternoons away from her _as well as_ an entire day on the weekends. I would have to speak to them about it.

By the time we pulled up, everyone was outside, dressed in the outfits Alice had purchased for Emmett’s family activity of choice: capture the flag. To save a few seconds, Alice and I dashed up the side of the house to our individual windows. I scoffed at the ensemble laid out on my bed: camo cargo pants, a tight olive-green tank top, and military-grade combat boots. Why we had to dress up for every little event was beyond me. I guessed it gave Alice something to do.

“What are the teams?” Rosalie asked when I hopped out of my window and landed lightly beside her.

Emmett answered immediately, “Chaos Crew versus the Boring Blonde Brigade.” 

Jasper crossed his arms, “You know I really hate when you call us that.”

“Besides,” Esme’s slender arm wrapped around my waist, and I threw mine over her shoulders in turn, “Those teams don’t include Kool & the Gang.”

Emmett rolled his eyes, “For the last time, you can’t be Kool & the Gang,” he pointed at me, “Eddie’s not cool,” and he pointed at Esme, “And his mom can’t be his entire gang.”

“When Bella joins the family, we’ll have two people in our gang,” Esme declared.

“Nope. Bella’s gonna join the Chaos Crew. We’ve already decided,” Alice disagreed confidently, despite having no vision of the decision as evidence.

“We’ll take Eddie, you guys get Esme,” Emmett suggested, getting us back to the game.

I said nothing, not caring whose team I ended up on, just ready for this to be over and done with so I could get back to Bella.

Rosalie shook her head, “No. No way. The last time Alice and Edward were on a team, the game lasted twelve seconds.”

“Then you get Edward,” Emmett offered.

“Ew, no.”

“Fine, fine,” Emmett ceded, “We can play three-way capture the flag. You’ll need two flags to win. Teams of two both have a freak, so it’s a little more evened out.”

“What about Jazzy?” Alice reminded her brother. 

Emmett waved off Jasper, “He doesn’t count. What’s he gonna do? Make me _feel_ like dropping the flag?”

Jasper raised an eyebrow, “Perhaps.”

And Jasper did just that. Several times during the games, he instilled enough fear in Emmett’s mind to force him to drop the flag. The Boring Blonde Brigade destroyed us twice in a row. Looking back, we should have known better than to put Ruthless Rosalie and a literal military strategist together on a battlefield.

Kool had definitely let down the Gang. I couldn’t bring myself to focus. My mind was thousands of miles away - specifically twenty-seven miles away in a little, white house. While Rosalie and Carlisle outmaneuvered Alice and Esme, I ran aimlessly through the woods, wondering how I could get Bella far away from Victoria’s grasp. I conjured up several plans for places out of town where could take Bella on such short notice, but they were all too… much. For Bella’s standards, that is. Bella hated when I gave her presents, so I couldn’t imagine what her reaction would be if I purchased a hotel room for the weekend. Not to mention Charlie’s reaction to me taking his daughter on a romantic weekend away…

“I need to think of a way to get Bella out of Forks this weekend,” I told my family as we sat beside a pond deep in the woods. Emmett was vying for best three-out-of-five, but the rest of us were ready to call it quits and were taking it easy at the water’s edge. Alice had just informed the family about the vision of Victoria she saw at lunch.

“She’ll be fine right here,” Jasper tried to reassure me, “Between the seven of us, Victoria won’t be able to touch her.”

“I can’t stand the thought of Bella anywhere near Victoria, Jazz. And as much as I want to be the one to eliminate Victoria, I cannot leave Bella alone somewhere, either. I need to take her away.”

“There’s a charming Bed and Breakfast near Portland,” Esme suggested.

“Bella wouldn’t go for that,” I sighed, “She hates it when I spend money on her.”

“Jacksonville,” Carlisle suggested. “You can use our birthday gift to her. No money involved.”

I banished Bella’s horrific eighteenth birthday from my consciousness ages ago, so I almost forgot about the voucher tickets to Jacksonville Carlisle and Esme had gifted Bella. “That’s brilliant!”

Rosalie quirked an eyebrow, “Don’t you think Jacksonville is a bit of an overreaction?”

I shook my head adamantly, “No, no. It’s perfect!” A plan was beginning to formulate in my mind, “And I can plant the tickets somewhere for her and her father to find on their own tonight! Make it seem like going to Florida this weekend is _their_ idea! Then, Bella will be out of Victoria’s reach and won’t have to know she was ever in danger!”

Carlisle frowned at this, “Why would you have to plant them, son? Why not just tell Bella this?”

“She’s…fragile,” I explained, “I don’t want her to be afraid.”

 _You’d be lying to her, Edward,_ Carlisle silently scolded.

I brushed his concern aside. I knew Bella better than he did, and I knew it would be better for Bella in the long run if I let my family take care of Victoria quietly. There was always fear swimming deep in the depths of her chocolate eyes, and I knew it was from the supernatural threats that constantly haunted her. No. Mentioning Victoria would not be good for the mental health of my love.

I waited anxiously for my family to finish up discussions of Victoria and what Irina ever saw in Laurent so I could leave and return to Bella during a natural lull in the conversation. Eventually, Rosalie was ready for a hunt, and Alice and Esme were going to join her, giving me a window of escape.

I raced home to change out of Alice’s ridiculous costume before returning to my own personal heaven at Bella’s side. The hollow pain that ached in my chest disappeared the second I saw her. She was up in her room, sitting at the obsolete modem she refused to let me replace, researching something. Her delicate fingers tapped an irregular rhythm on the desk, waiting for her browser to load a new page. Charlie wouldn’t be home for at least another hour, offering us the rare chance of being entirely alone.

I flew to her side and knelt beside her. I placed my hand over hers to still her fingers, “Are we a little impatient today?”

She looked up a little too high for her retort with the defiant spark in her eye that I loved so much. When she lowered her eyes to mine, her face went blank, as if she were having a psychic vision like her future sister. Before she could come back to reality, I pressed my lips to hers.

Kissing the one whose blood sang to a song to me as mighty as a full orchestration seemed like a bad idea until I was actually doing it. I would suffer through a thousand fires, burn for a thousand years for these lips. And Bella often seemed keen to hold me up to that challenge. I weaved my fingers through her soft, thick locks and deepened our kiss. The little gasp that escaped her lips told me that she approved of this development.

I slid one of my hands down her neck onto her lower back, so I could feel every line of her perfect body against every line of mine. Her body was hot like fire, but I had already promised I would burn for her, so I pulled her towards me even harder. Her pelvis rocked against mine, dangerously erotic, and I would have to end this kiss before I did something _really_ stupid. Bella’s hot, little tongue traced my lower lip, and I almost lost all of my senses entirely. It took all of my superhuman strength to tear my face away from hers.

I chuckled humorlessly, “Ah, Bella.”

“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not.”

“And I should feel sorry that you’re not sorry, but I don’t. Maybe I should go sit on the bed.”

“If you think that’s necessary…” She exhaled, and I reveled in the beautiful scent of hers. I could almost taste her…

Yes. Moving back to the bed _would_ be necessary. I lifted one side on my lips into a half-smile and released her.

While she finished up her last bits of homework, I set to work on my plan. If I remembered correctly—which I always did—the tickets would expire by the end of the month. With finals and graduation quickly approaching, this weekend would be the opportune moment for Bella to use them. The tickets were still hidden underneath a floorboard in her closet where I hid all of her birthday gifts last September. All I needed to do was sneak the tickets out of the box and into Charlie’s catch-all drawer in the kitchen. He stored his bottle opener in that drawer, and he would definitely need a beer tonight when he came home to Bella and me alone in her room.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye to double-check that she was still diligently working on homework and snuck over to her closet. I knelt down and pushed aside piles of discarded clothing to access the hardwood floor.

Then I saw it. A flat, black box with wires curling crookedly away from the main square in a way that couldn’t be healthy. Her birthday present from last year: a stereo for her truck from my siblings. She destroyed it. I stared at it, entirely motionless. I did this. I hurt her so deeply that I gave this kind, gentle creature enough rage to do _this._ This happened because I lied to her. I lied to her with what I thought were the best of intentions, causing her a torment so intense it could only be released by destruction. _And I was about to do it again._

“Edward?” Bella’s gentle hand pulled me from my self-loathing. “What are you doing on the ground?”

I must have been on the verge of really losing it if she was able to approach me like this without my knowledge. I was still on my hands and knees in front of her closet. Unwilling to let her see my internal struggle, I swallowed my sob before I turned to face her. Once I found the strength I needed in the depths of those chocolate eyes, I stood fluidly and guided her so we were both seated on her bed.

“I have something I need to tell you, Sweetheart. “

“I know.”

She said it so confidently, that I blew out a laugh, “Am I that obvious?”

“Yes,” she giggled. Then, she grew serious and brushed the hair along my ear, “What is it, Edward?”

I closed my eyes, “Victoria is coming for you on Saturday.” 

“Is that what Alice saw at lunch today?” she asked, “What you were trying to hide from me?”

I nodded. She was quiet. I was too cowardly to look over at her and see what sort of pain I had inflicted on her.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said eventually, “What does that have to do with my closet?” 

“I’ll show you,” I mumbled.

I knelt back down, immediately shoving clothes over the stereo so I wouldn’t have to look at it. I would break down over it later, I promised myself as I internalized another sob over the object. I removed the floorboard and pulled out the box I had hidden there many months ago. I wasn’t quite ready for the jeweled CD case or the pictures, so I fished around blindly until my hand came in contact with what I was searching for.

I was back on the bed in less than thirty seconds. After a slight hesitation Bella would not be able to perceive, I handed her the tickets. It took her a long moment to read the text on the tickets and an even longer moment to remember where they had come from. As the memory began to resurface in her mind, I attempted to bring her back to me in the present, before she could get too far away. 

“Stay,” I lowered my face to hers and whispered, “Stay here with me.”

She didn’t respond; I wrapped my arms around her and slid her onto my lap, “I’m right here. Right by your side,” I crooned, “Breathe.”

She took a deep, shaky breath.

“And out.”

She exhaled loudly, blowing her sweet scent into my face. With my guidance, she took a few more deep breathes, tucking herself further into my chest with every inhale.

We sat like that for a long while until Bella was ready to speak again, “What do these have to do with...?”

“We’re going to use them this weekend,” I explained, “I would like to take you out of Forks so my family can take care of _her_.”

“Edward, there’s no need to do that. I trust your family.”

“I do too, but I can’t do it, Bella. I cannot have you so close to her.”

My defiant, little Bella was back, now that she had a cause to fight for. “We cannot just leave your family here to fend for themselves, Edward.”

“That’s not what’s going to happen, love. It’s going to be six-on-one; Victoria doesn’t have a prayer.”

“Then why do I have to leave?”

“Because I cannot bear to have you close to any danger, Bella.”

“But you just said—,”

“ _Please_ ,” I practically begged, “Please do not fight me on this.”

We stayed huddled together on her bed in silence until Charlie’s police cruiser pulled up into the driveway. Bella reluctantly untangled herself from my embrace to head downstairs to start dinner. I followed her down, running into Charlie on his way into the house. He wanted very much to say something about my presence but chose not to, instead reaching for that beer I had predicted earlier.

As Charlie caught up with Sports News, I stood dutifully beside my Bella as she prepared dinner, lightly teasing her a bit more than helping her. Soon, dinner was on the table. I pushed my food around my plate while partaking in small talk about the day.

Towards the end of the meal, Bella tried to clear her throat but ended up choking on nothing, and then actually choked on the sip of water she took to clear her throat from her initial throat-clear.

Charlie and I made wary eye contact. “You alright, Bells?” he asked, “You seem a bit....”

Bella coughed again. “I’m fine,” she croaked.

Charlie and I exchanged another look.

“Actually,” Bella breathed, “I wanted to ask you something, Dad.”

Charlie nodded, confirming he was ready to listen to whatever she wanted to ask.

“I was cleaning out my room this afternoon before Edward got here, and I found the present Carlisle and Esme got me for my birthday.” The lie came out of her mouth remarkably well; I wondered if Bella had become a better liar in my absence, then banned the thought immediately, scared for where it could lead me.

Charlie wanted to be suspicious, but couldn’t find an angle quite yet, “You never mentioned a gift from them. What did they get you?” 

Bella picked up a noodle on her plate with her fork, only to put her fork back down, “Voucher tickets. To Jacksonville. So I could see Mom.”

Now Charlie was fully suspicious, “That was very generous of them.”

“They’re about to expire, and I was wondering if I could use them this weekend,” Bella mumbled.

Charlie wanted to say no. He _desperately_ wanted to say no. However, he had seen his little girl in so much pain over the past few months, he wasn’t sure how she could handle any more.

“Call your mom,” was his only response.

Bella nodded, and the quiet dinner resumed.

I spent the rest of the evening with Bella flying high. I wanted to clap, sing, dance—anything to demonstrate how absolutely thrilled I was that Bella was willing to fight her backward instincts and actually run _from_ danger for once in her life. The huge smile didn’t leave my face as Bella and I cleaned the kitchen, worked on homework, and called her mother to confirm our plans. Every chance I got, I pressed a kiss to her sweet lips and whispered “Thank you,” against them, thankful that she was willing to leave Forks for me.

My good mood continued after I pretended to leave and scaled up the house to her window. Once Bella was showered and snuggled in her bed, I could deepen my kisses to show her the extent of my gratitude for her decision. It lasted until she was curled up against me, falling asleep to my gentle humming, when the lump of clothes hiding the broken stereo began to taunt me once more.

I waited until she had fallen into a deep slumber that I prayed wouldn’t be plagued by nightmares. I crept out of her bed, silently swearing to Bella that I would not be far. I snatched the broken radio out of the closet and climbed out the window towards the woods behind her father’s house. Even in the darkness, I could clearly see the damage done to her birthday present. Being the masochist that I was, I inspected it closer, to see how she destroyed it.

I inhaled a shaky breath and the action set me spiraling. Through that inhale, I could detect the faintest traces of her _blood._ I brought it closer to my nose, and sure enough, it was there. Bella’s blood. My actions had driven her to such a violent rage that she _hurt_ herself clawing something from my siblings out of her truck.

I was a monster in a way that had nothing to do with my diet. I lied and manipulated and destroyed. I had no right to her forgiveness, no right to anything to do with her.

A sob rippled through my body. _I am a monster_ , I amended in my head. How many lies had I planned to tell her today after I swore nothing but honesty? And how many more lies would I tell her under the guise of protection? Tens? Hundreds? I was vile.

I heard my father’s thoughts enter into my range moments before he sank to the ground beside me.

_Alice said you were wallowing._

“Jokes on her,” I tried to tease, but my heart wasn’t in it, “I’m always wallowing.” 

“What’s wrong, Edward?”

“Why do I lie to her?” my whisper barely a breath, “Why is my first instinct always to _lie_ to her?”

Carlisle pursed his lips but said nothing.

I sobbed again, “I was ready to lie and manipulate her a _gain._ I formulated a plan to _trick_ her. To trick the love of my life!”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Well, what’s important is that you didn’t follow through.”

“I don’t deserve that credit. The only reason I told her the truth was because she caught me red-handed when I got distracted by this,” I handed Carlisle the stereo.

 _Dear Lord,_ Carlisle frowned, _did she go at it with a jackhammer?_

“Her own _hands,_ ” I corrected.

We sat in silence for a few moments as Carlisle let that sink in.

“What is your goal when you lie to her?” Carlisle asked, “Is it your goal to gaslight or manipulate or hurt her?”

I shook my head, “…I lie to protect her.”

“Does Bella _need_ protection?”

“Of course, she does, Carlisle, she’s a human in a supernatural world.”

“What does lying have to do with any of that? She has our entire family to keep her safe. Between you and Alice, nothing can ever come close to touching her.”

“But she doesn’t have to know every single time her life is threatened.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s under enough duress as it is.”

“And having a partner she can’t trust is less stressful than knowing about a frightful situation that is fully under control?”

“I—,”

“Because Bella handles frightful things so poorly, and she would prefer to live in the dark, while you paint a happy little picture for her with your lies,”

“No—,”

“Because we both know that Bella has no desire to have any control over her life.”

“No!”

“Then why do you lie to her?”

“I don’t know!”

“Yes, you do, Edward. Why do you lie to her?”

“To protect her!”

“From what? She is in love with a vampire; she has befriended a werewolf. She has proven herself time and time again in dangerous situations. What are you protecting her from?”

“The truth!”

“She knows the truth!”

“What if she doesn’t?” I shouted, “What if the truth hasn’t fully sunk in? What if one more danger, one more truth, is the tipping point for her to realize I’m a monster?”

“Ah,” Carlisle sat back on his heels, “There we go.”

I sat still. Carlisle always used this tactic to get me to see the error of my ways—forcing me to explain my logic so I could see how ridiculous I was being. He did it during the months of self-loathing I faced after my vigilantly days. He used it when Rosalie and I couldn’t get through a conversation without tearing off each other’s limbs. And he used it now, while I was on the verge of destroying my own relationship.

“Edward,” my father put his arm around my shoulder, “I know that’s it’s hard to accept this after a hundred years of insecurities, but you are not a monster, and Bella will never see you as one.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you too, and I will never see you as a monster.”

I looked at my father, his thoughts flooding with love and respect for his first son. After all of these years, after all of the horrific atrocities my father watched me commit, he had never once seen me as a monster.

Carlisle continued, “You don’t lie to Bella to protect her, but to protect yourself. And I am telling you, you do not need that protection. You can trust Bella with the truth, Edward. She is not going to leave you.”

But she had every reason to…

Carlisle held up the broken stereo, “I will take this back to Jasper. I don’t know if he will be able to repair it, but I’m sure he would like to take on the challenge. Go back up to Bella, and stop lying to her, son.”

I nodded.

We hugged once before heading out in our opposite directions. “Thank you, Dad.”

Back in Bella’s room, it seemed as though she had noticed my brief absence. The blankets tangled around her legs, and her arm flopped over the side of the bed, as if she were reaching for me. Gently, I tucked her arm back against her body, and pulled the extra quilt she kept folded at the foot of the bed up to her chin.

I let my fingertips barely brush against her temple, “How can you love me?” I asked her in earnest.

Fully asleep, her only response was a quiet purr.

Not wanting to disturb her by climbing back into bed, I stayed sitting crossed-legged on the floor in front of her, resting my chin on the mattress. For the rest of the night, I found contentment by soaking in every single _I love you, Edward_ that escaped from Bella’s unconscious lips and pretending her human love for me was as infallible and eternal as mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smeyer squeezed a lot into this second chapter of hers, but I removed most of it. The sex talk and fight Charlie, and visit to the Cullen’s house. All gone. One of the most important changes to me was the stereo. In canon, Bella and Edward discussed it so casually, like it was completely normal to lash out in violent destruction against objects from your significant other.
> 
> Anyway. Jake will appear in the next chapter, so we’ll finally get to the changes in his personality. Don’t worry—this isn’t going to end up as a perfect little story with perfect little characters—we’re just going to spend more time on learning and growing. 
> 
> Yes, I know Kool & the Gang is already a band name. But I think Edward would use a band name for his team name with his mom. 
> 
> CrystalKaouri, I don’t know if there’s a reason I can’t respond to your comment, but I do want to discuss your thoughts with you.


	3. Motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eclipse and the characters of the Twilight Saga all belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just cleaning up the mess. 
> 
> This chapter contains direct quotes from Eclipse Chapter 3.

'You’ve been quiet,” I murmured to Bella as I wove through the cars congesting the highway, “Did the plane make you sick?”

“No,” she breathed, “Just thinking.”

I held in the questions, complaints, and gripes that bubbled to my lips when she offered _that_ as her only response. I hated not being able to hear her thoughts, but she loved the privacy and usually, she let me know what she was thinking when she was good and ready. Instead of saying anything, I simply turned up the music and placed my hand on her thigh.

“I felt bad for you,” she said after a few songs, “You were cooped up in the loft practically the entire time.”

“Don’t feel bad. I wanted you to have this time alone with your mother. Besides, I had a nice time. I relaxed, I read. Isn’t that what humans typically do on vacation?”

“That’s true,” her encouraging smile turned mocking, “You also enjoyed the food.” She snickered and reached over the center console to pat my stomach.

“Don’t remind me,” I groaned, “Renee watched me like a hawk. I can’t believe I actually missed Charlie and his indifference.” I swore I could still feel a glob of chicken fajita in the pit of my stomach.

“She’s so weird,” Bella giggled, “What was she even doing?”

“Making sure I enjoyed her daughter’s cooking.”

"Did you?”

I scoffed, “No.”

Bella laughed, then sighed and turned her attention back to the window at the sprawling forest flying by. We drove in comfortable silence for a few more songs, while I waited for Bella to share the rest of her thoughts with me.

“It was hard,” she finally admitted, fiddling with my fingers, “knowing this would be my last time with her. When we fake my death, or whatever, it’s going to crush her.”

“I would say you have all the time in the world but—,”

“You are not getting any more time,” she growled with kitten-like fury.

I laughed, “—but I know you won’t like that answer _. However_ , we don’t have to fake your death, necessarily. You can keep up communication as long as you never see her again. We can send everyone you know a letter saying that we eloped and moved abroad.”

“And we can’t afford plane tickets on a rice farmer’s salary…”

I wrapped my hand around hers and squeezed, “Exactly.”

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back against the headrest, “It’s all becoming so real. Graduation is in a few weeks. My alibi is coming together. And, now, Victoria is gone. It’ll be safe to join you any time now.” 

She peeked over at me after I didn’t respond, “What?”

“My family hasn’t contacted me about Victoria.” I couldn’t imagine how Victoria could have escaped from _six_ vampires—one of them a psychic and another one Jasper—but it worried me tremendously that I hadn’t received a single call or text about the encounter. Not even the punctuation smiley-face Alice liked to send whenever she completed a favor for me.

“No news is good news?” Bella offered.

“Perhaps…” I agreed for her benefit. There shouldn’t _be_ any concern, and I certainly didn’t want to worry Bella over nothing. As a mind reader, I was entirely self-aware of all of my flaws, and I knew one of them was overthinking. Perhaps it was what I was doing now. My family didn’t say anything because there was nothing to say. They completed the job as expected. End of story.

Still. I was worried.

The worry was quickly replaced with indignance when we arrived at her Charlie’s house. I was already miffed at her parents since Renee had turned both of the extra bedrooms in her house into a yoga studio and a craft room, forcing her only daughter to sleep on a daybed in the loft. To fuel the flame, the first words out of her father’s mouth were how much he missed Bella’s cooking. I always held my tongue when it came to Bella’s family matters, but I couldn’t wait until forty or fifty years down the road when I could finally share my opinions on how Renee raised her daughter. Perhaps after a few decades of living with parents who _actually_ care for their children, Bella would come to the conclusion about her childhood all on her own. But for the time being, I stood idly by, helping my love with the household chores she tasked herself with because for some unholy reason _it was how she was raised._

Later that night, Bella was sound asleep in my arms after an evening of cooking and tidying. The thoughts of the self-proclaimed Chaos Crew approached the house. They kept the intent of their visit from their thoughts and I braced myself for whatever ridiculous prank they were planning to pull on me.

 _Edward,_ my brother thought, _Victoria escaped. She’s still alive._

It took me a second to recognize the growl that cut through the air as my own. 

_Bella’s going to be okay,_ Alice reassured me. She showed me a flurry of visions of Bella safe and happy as proof, _Victoria’s not coming back any time soon._

I shifted so I could sneak out of bed without waking Bella. Once I made the move, I was plagued with Alice’s vision of Bella being startled awake and crying my name out into the night. At the sound of her cries, Charlie would come into her room and I wouldn’t be able to return to calm her.

 _No, no, no,_ Alice warned, _don’t get out of bed. Bella will notice you’re gone._

I slunk back into the pillows.

“Cowards,” I hissed under my breath, knowing they would hear me.

“Crazy how _this_ was the best way to tell you, huh?” my sister squeaked. I couldn’t wait to throttle her.

“According to Alice, this went over better when you got a clam-down period alone,” _Esme said that’s what kindergarten teachers do when a child has a temper tantrum_. Emmett waved his goodbye to me to Alice knowing I was watching him through her, “We’ll see you at the house.”

Throttle the two of them, I amended. Why couldn’t I have been an only child? Did my parents _need_ four other children? My human parents were perfectly content with only me.

The two of them dashed away, thoroughly pleased with themselves. It seemed I would have to wait until the hour Bella took to get ready to school to question them. For the first time ever, I felt impatient while Bella slept.

**OoO**

Alice tried to distract me the second I barged through the door. “Edward!” she sang, “How was your trip? I saw…”

“Emmett!” I roared, ignoring her completely.

He and Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Care to explain yourself?” I growled, stalking towards them.

Rosalie flitted in front of me placing her hand on my chest, as if her hulking husband needed any form of protection, “It wasn’t his fault, Edward! It was those wolves!”

“You were supposed to kill her!” I yelled. “You swore!”

Esme stepped into the room to begin her de-escalation process. Carlisle was at work, and she would have to act as the only barrier between me and my siblings.

“Edward,” she took my arm and my anger immediately receded at her touch, “There’s no need to scream. We’re just as upset about this as you are.”

I stared at her with blatant disbelief.

“Wipe that look off of your face, young man. You are _not_ the only person in this family who loves Bella.”

She pushed me over to the couch and shoved me down beside her. Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice congregated around us. I couldn’t hear Jasper’s thoughts in the house, but I didn’t care enough to ask after him at the moment.

“Someone tell me why the love of my life is still in danger,” I seethed. “Now.”

Alice started, “Victoria slipped into our territory around three in the morning on Saturday night. Jasper and I had found the location from my vision last week, and we were all positioned for a surprise attack. Of course, what I didn’t see because I _couldn’t_ see was the stupid decision of the stupid wolves to come after her, too. Suddenly, everything was dark, and I couldn’t be sure where she was going.”

Emmett picked up the story, “Jasper and I were chasing her down the river. We nearly had her, there in the water. But the wolves showed up and spooked her. While they had her distracted, I saw my chance and dove for her. I got in two good swings at her, but there were _some_ who might have thought I crossed the border.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, “Em, you didn’t.”

“It wasn’t my fault! Everyone knows there’s always at least a five-foot span of neutral territory at every border!” Emmett defended himself, “Otherwise, everyone gets all hamstrung on exact lines.”

“Well, clearly _they_ don’t know that,” Rosalie sniffed, “Pathetic, idiot children.”

Rosalie hated Victoria’s presence in our lives, but not for Bella’s sake. She knew her husband well, and she knew how much he enjoyed the idea of fighting Victoria. Emmett never really got the chance to really fight, at least not to the extent of his abilities. The problem was, he was so strong that he never had to fight with his head, and his signature bulldozer technique wouldn’t work on the lithe and cunning Victoria. Rosalie was terrified Emmett would go in for an attack without thinking and get himself hurt.

“Rosie…” Esme started.

“They should have just dropped their borders and let us take care of Victoria. But _no_ ,” her voice was dripping in sarcasm, “They just _had_ to be involved.”

“The wolves are just doing their job,” Esme gently reminded her daughter, “Protecting their people is just as important to them as protecting Bella is to us.”

I snorted.

“Well, they’re doing a terrible job,” Rosalie snapped.

“I’m sure they’re saying the exact thing about us,” Esme countered.

“What happened?” I asked again, my paper-thin patience crumpling.

Esme took over, “When Emmett went for Victoria, he tumbled across the center line and the grey wolf lunged at him, jaws open. Rosalie leaped in and rolled the wolf with a punch and the wolf pack took a formation to attack. Jasper rushed over to cover Rosalie’s left flank and Alice leaped to take Emmett’s right. Seeing Alice suddenly in potential danger brought Jasper to his senses and he refocused his energies towards creating an emotional calm. Carlisle asked Sam for a truce and Sam ordered the pack to stand down.”

“Meanwhile, Victoria got away,” I snarled. I put my head in my hands, frustrated over the outcome.

I didn’t know how I was going to tell Bella. Surely, she would be heavily disappointed in me. I couldn’t keep her safe from James. I couldn’t keep her safe from Laurent. And now, I couldn’t keep her safe from Victoria. Not to mention, the stress that had just been alleviated from her life would come crashing back down.

Esme put her hand on my shoulder, “It’s going to be okay, Edward. Maybe Carlisle can arrange something with Sam, just as Rose suggested. Victoria won’t be able to escape like that again.”

I highly doubted Sam would be amendable to anything. If the wolves were stupid enough to snap at Emmett while he was attempting to disarm an actual threat to their tribe, they wouldn’t understand the strategic benefits of opening the borders to us.

I was still seething when Alice reminded me it was almost time to pick up Bella for school. At vampire-speed, I showered, changed, and met her down at the Volvo.

“I imagine you don’t want to bring up the fact that Victoria is still alive to Bella?” Alice guessed as we turned onto the highway.

“Not yet,” I said. I would have to tell her at some point, though. I wondered how long I could withhold the truth until it counted as a lie. Not very long, I assumed. “Give me until the end of the day, at least. I don’t want to tell her and then make her sit through a whole day at school.” It was a flimsy excuse, but Alice didn’t argue. It seemed my sister didn’t want to inform Bella of our failure any more than I did.

My heart hurt as Bella bounded out the front door and towards the car. She looked so carefree. This weekend held the best sleep she had in weeks—probably months—due to the removal of one threat on her life. I greeted her with a kiss when she slid into the front seat, after almost whacking her head on the frame of the car. The drive to school was casual, light, as Alice and Bella teamed up against me to tease me for my choice of sweater that day. It wasn’t until Alice looked briefly ahead to check our parking spot out of habit when we noticed something was amiss. She suddenly couldn’t see anything. Instinctively, I reached my arm in front of Bella, searching the minds ahead for any unexpected danger. As I searched, I came across a somewhat familiar mental voice, chanting to themselves.

 _Friendship is better than nothing. Friendship is better than nothing,_ Jacob Black repeated in his mind, waiting for Bella to arrive at school.

Werewolf. We should have known. I let my arm drop.

Part of me wanted to park in the overflow lot at the back of the school, using some sort of vampiric quirk as an excuse for the change of behavior. But that would technically count as lying—the habit I was trying to break. Suppressing a groan, I parked in my usual spot and emotionally prepared myself for Jacob Black.

It appeared Alice and I had a similar desire to avoid the situation at hand. With a half-formulated plan in mind, she took Bella’s arm before I could, to get Bella to go in a different entrance with her, “Bella I think I need to…”

I took Bella’s free hand, “It’s fine, Alice. Let’s just get this over with.”

Alice dropped Bella’s arm. _I would say this isn’t going to end well. But of course, I can’t see!_

“What?” Bella asked. “Get what over with?”

Alice’s nose scrunched up as she took in the strong scent of werewolf, wafting in the breeze, “You’ll see.”

Looming over the rest of the student body by a good six inches, was Jacob Black. He stood motionless at the front of the school, waiting for our approach. He was aiming for a tough-guy, too-cool-for-school attitude, but he couldn’t quite manage it. Despite the tight shirt stretched across his prematurely muscled body and the motorcycle leaning against the wall, he was still an innocent sixteen-year-old boy at heart, thinking about how many waffles he would eat that night and how he could beat his friend in that video game and how nice it would be to win the attention of a pretty girl. His attempt at a fearsome expression faded entirely when he finally saw Bella walking towards him.

Bella must have noticed him too because she hesitated for a fraction of a second. Our last encounter with Jacob Black had been tense, to say the least. I had thanked him for keeping Bella safe in my absence, and in return, he asked if I could leave again. I had, obviously, turned down his request, and he was not pleased. Heartbroken and—quite frankly—immature, he had made the rash decision that if he could not have a romantic relationship with Bella, he did not want a relationship at all. As a departing gift, he had left Bella’s motorcycle for Charlie to find, getting Bella in more trouble than she had already been in, as a vain attempt to prevent her from seeing me.

Of course, Bella did not see the depth of his feelings for her and could not understand why he would not respond to her letters or phone calls. She mistook the animosity between us to be purely supernatural. She never could see herself clearly.

“Jacob?” Bella worked to put a slight edge to her tone, “What are you doing here?”

His expression softened, even more, when he heard her say his name. “Sam wanted to bring a message to the Cullens, and I volunteered. I—I wanted to talk to you, Bella.”

She let go of my hand to cross her arms across her chest, “Well, maybe I don’t want to talk to you.”

He ignored her obvious lie. “I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line.”

“I don’t know…”

“I miss you every day. It’s not the same without you.”

“Jake…” Bella said mournfully. The word at that moment had a palpable tenderness that surprised me.

“I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to ignore you. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” _Friendship is better than nothing. Friendship is better than nothing._ “Can you let me make it up to you? Can we be friends again?”

“You big lug. I don’t think I can ever stay mad at you.”

He opened his arms for her, and she ran into them like it was the most natural thing in the world. It seemed everyone in the front parking lot had noticed the scene: Edward Cullen’s girlfriend in the arms of another, while he stood idly by.

_…bold fuckin’ moves…_

_…willing to take Edward off her hands…_

_…the nerve of that guy…_

_…wish that were me…_

As if she had borrowed Jasper’s gifts and could feel my desolation, Alice began to show me visions of Bella and me together in the near and distant future—clear and strong and absolute. Much needed reminders that Bella was mine.

Meanwhile, Jacob reveled in the feel of her body against his, noticing that in their embrace, their faces were mere inches apart. _She has beautiful lips_ , he thought, as a violent throb of the desire sent him leaning his face down to hers. The second he realized what he was doing, he jolted upright, released her, and took an extra step back for good measure. _Bad idea. Terrible idea. She’s your best friend. Stop._

I wasn’t sure if I should feel grateful for his control or punch his teeth out for even considering such a thing. Oblivious to Jacob’s desire, Bella stepped back to my side, allowing me to drape my arm around her shoulders.

“Great!” He said, as excitable as a puppy reunited with its favorite toy. “Let’s go down to La Push right now! We can do whatever you want—riding, kayaking, cliff diving...”

Bella laughed at her friend’s exuberance, “We can’t now, Jake. I have school. So do you, by the way,” she added, seriously. “Besides, I can’t really go to La Push. Can’t we hang out at my house?”

Jacob’s eyes flashed to mine briefly, _Edward banished her from the Reservation? Jerk._ He didn’t voice his concern to Bella and continued with the conversation, “Your house? Sure, that’s fine. Friday?”

Bella considered, and unthinkingly wrapped her arm around my waist, “Well, Friday I have plans with Edward’s family.”

“Saturday?”

Bella grimaced, “Work.”

“Sunday?”

“Well…”

Jacob groaned loudly, “Come _on._ You gotta work with me here, Swan.”

“It’s just Sunday’s the day Edward would come home from hunting with his family, but if…” she looked up at me, asking me the question with her eyes.

I painted a patient smile on my face, “It wouldn’t be hard to convince everyone to stay an extra day. I know Emmett would be pleased.” The hardest part would be convincing _myself_ to stay away when every bone in my body ached to be beside her. I _could_ leave early and watch from afar, but I was fairly certain “No Stalking Your Girlfriend” would be on Carlisle and Esme’s list of tips for a fun and healthy relationship.

Bella’s returning grin was bright and genuine—I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It had been so many years since I had anyone I could consider a friend, I had no clue if her level of happiness to spend time with Jacob was normal or concerning.

“Sunday it is, Jake!”

“Perfect! I’m pretty sure the boys were thinking of cliff diving again that day.”

“We gotta stay out here, Jake. Sorry.”

“Sure, sure,” he waved off her apology, “I’m sure there’s plenty of trouble we can get in outside of La Push. There’s a roundabout road to Port Angeles through a mountain pass that’s best enjoyed on a motorcycle—it’s supposedly tricky, but I think we can manage it. Right, Bella?” he winked.

With great effort, I managed to silence the deafening warning bells that went off in my head when I heard the words _Bella_ and _motorcycle_ and _tricky_ thrown together like that. I swallowed the scream that forbade Bella from ever touching any mode of transportation ever again and left them to finish their conversation.

Bella laughed again; this time with the tiniest hint of unease that Jacob did not pick up on. “We’ll figure it out on Sunday.”

“Sunday,” he agreed, bemused by her smile.

I raised my eyebrow at him, “And Sam’s message?”

He had the decency to feel ashamed for nearly kissing my girlfriend while forgetting his actual purpose for being here. “Sam says next time he won’t be so forgiving.”

“Thanks. Consider us warned.”

“Warned? Next time?” Bella piqued, “What are you talking about?”

Jacob’s mouth popped open, _Trouble in paradise?_ “You didn’t tell her?”

She looked up at me, “Tell me what?”

I kissed Bella’s temple, “I’ll tell you about it later, Sweetheart.”

Jacob once again tried to put on a mask of intimidation but failed. His expression was too forced, his top lip curled in too much for a realistic sneer. He just looked like a bad actor. “Why not right now?” _Trying to keep something from her?_

I made a show of looking around at the other _human_ students surrounding us, “Why do you think?”

“What don’t I know, Edward?” Bella demanded.

“I’ll tell you later,” I repeated.

It was not the answer she wanted. She turned to her friend, “Jake?”

“His family interfered in our business this weekend,” Jacob said, highly satisfied with himself and the points this would give him in Bella’s favor.

Alice spoke up, “You should have just stayed out of our way. Your overreaction to Emmett ruined everything!”

“Paul was totally justified in—,” 

“It was no man's land,” I hissed.

“Emmett and Paul?” Bella muttered to herself, bewildered. “What happened? Were they fighting? Why? Did Paul get hurt?” Bella’s voice rose higher with each word—the last one was almost a squeak.

I used my free hand to gently stroke her cheek, “No one fought. No one got hurt. Don’t be anxious.”

“You didn’t tell her anything at all, did you?” Jacob accused.

“There’s going to be a war?” Bella asked, struggling to understand the tense atmosphere.

“No,” Alice promised, “No war.”

“Then wha—,”

“Bella,” I spoke in a clear-level voice to quell her fears, “Nothing is wrong. I will explain everything in detail after school. When we can be alone.”

 _He does want to lie to her!_ Jacob perked up as he realized he could stir the pot by telling Bella what I would not. His desperation and idiocy prevented him from seeing that this was neither the time nor place for such things. “His brother crossed the border and we had to stop our pursuit of that redhead.”

I balked at his interpretation. Alice stepped up and pointed a demanding finger towards his chest, “If you had left Emmett alone, he would have finished the job! _You_ interrupted him! _You_ let her escape.”

“She was on _our_ land! You should have backed off and let us take care of her!”

“She is _our_ kind and _our_ responsibility. If you let us take care of her and stayed out of our way, she should have been dead by now.”

Their entire conversation was held in an aggressive whisper—no member of the student body had a prayer of listening in. Though that didn’t mean there wasn’t a small audience forming around us, hungry for drama. I was intently watching Jacob’s thoughts for any signs of shifting during his spat with Alice, that I almost missed Bella’s trembling form beside me. Immediately, I had lost all interest in Jacob Black.

Her beautiful face had gone pale and her eyes were quickly filling with tears, “Victoria got away?”

“It’s fine,” I murmured, my fingers immediately rose to stroke her cheeks, “It’s fine. I’ll never let her get close to you, it’s fine.”

“She’s alive?” Bella gasped. Her heartbeat had quickened, but not to a concerning level. She wasn’t having a panic attack yet. I needed Jacob gone so I could calm her and nip it in the bud.

“Leave now,” I growled. I wished my eyes could burn a hole through that thick skull of his. 

Jacob—loving his perceived role as Bella’s trusted confidant—smiled broadly as he spoke, “You don’t think Bella has a right to know? It’s her life.”

I ignored him, knowing that he had read the situation incorrectly and his argument had no footing.

“Edward only means to protect her,” Alice argued, “Something _you_ apparently have no interest in.”

Jacob’s eyebrows rose in disbelief, insulted at Alice’s accusation. “I have never done anything to hurt her!” _The same can’t be said around everyone here._

And then, as clear as if I had been there myself, I saw her in my mind. A black night in the woods and Bella curled in a fetal position on sodden ground, abandoned and alone. Rain pelted her bloodless face, but she remained motionless as it puddled beneath her cheek.

Pain ripped through me as I stood unable to defend myself against this onslaught of cruel memories. Another image—Bella standing face-to-face with a demon, his red eyes clear with intent, his figure poised to attack. Then another—Bella hunched forward, her thin arms wrapped around her upper body as if she might otherwise fall apart. It was pure torture, this graphic evidence of her suffering, knowing that _I_ had caused it.

“That’s funny,” Jacob snickered. The memories halted for a brief moment as he delighted in my reaction to his little trick. I cringed from the image of myself—a soul burning in hell.

“What are you doing to him?” Bella cried, her bout of hysteria crashing to a stop.

I shrank from Jacob’s picture of me and with concerted effort, relaxed my face to smooth away the expression that was frightening Bella. I had to be strong for her. I could not allow her to see my broken heart, held together by nothing more than paste and duct tape—and I especially could not let her see how easily it could break apart again.

“It’s nothing,” I whispered, “Jacob just has a good memory, that’s all.”

Another image—Bella with blue lips in a marble-white face, waterlogged and lifeless, washed up on a rocky beach. I winced in pain.

“Stop it! Whatever you’re doing!” she ordered.

Jacob cursed himself when he realized that my pain was her pain. He enjoyed sharing those burdens with me—the one who was to blame for causing them. However, he was now remorseful, only for her sake, and apologized. I scarcely heard it.

“I’ll call you about Sunday, Jake,” she said dismissively. Head held high, despite the red nose and teary eyes, Bella led Alice and me into the school, leaving Jacob Black in the dust. Alice kissed Bella’s cheek and flitted off to her class. Bella laced her fingers through mine and swung our hands between us on our walk to our first period English class.

“Were you ever planning on telling me?” Her tone was light, her body language still lithe, as she called me out on my treachery.

“I was waiting for a good time… It’s _hard_ to tell you these things,” I admitted.

“Not as hard as it is being lied to all the time,” she retorted with a hard smile.

As always, her irritation towards me was entirely justified. “I know and I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “I really was going to tell you.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn’t say anything.

I stopped and pulled her to the side of the hallway so she could look at me as I spoke. “My siblings told me the complete story only this morning. I _was_ going to tell you.”

Her lower lip jutted out attractively. I wanted to capture it in my lips, but now was not the time for kissing. She did not believe me and rightfully so—she had no idea how hard I was working to break this terrible habit of mine.

“I swear,” I tried to gaze deeply into her eyes, but her focus was glued to my forehead, refusing to make eye contact with me.

Tentatively, I held up three fingers, “Scout’s honor.”

It worked; she laughed. “You’re such a dork. You _would_ have been a Boy Scout.”

I led us back into the throng of students on their way to class, picking on the pace slightly— otherwise, these delays were going to make us late. “Boy Scouts of America didn’t form in Chicago until 1912. I would have been too old to join.”

She shook her head, “A dork and an old man. How did I get so lucky?” She smiled up at me, her eyes bright and forgiving and—to my immense relief—trusting. She believed me, and she had a good reason to. Every word out of my mouth that morning had been entirely truthful.

It felt pretty damn good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I want to keep a good Edward/Jacob rivalry, but I want their love for Bella to trump their hatred for each other. No boyfriend should ever keep their girlfriend from seeing their friends no matter how much they don’t like them. Likewise, no best friend should force themselves onto their friend who’s already in a healthy, committed relationship. I think removing their cruelty and adding a layer of respect will save Bella from a lot of cringy moments later in canon. 
> 
> Also as a note for the rest of this fic, I am team Edward through and through, and I am going to have a more difficult time being fair to Jacob. So, honestly, if anyone thinks I’m straying a bit too far from Jake’s NM personality, let me know (nicely, please).
> 
> Also, also. Do not fret. There will be no love triangle. I repeat. There will be no love triangle. You’re just going to have to trust me. Have I ever let you down before?


	4. Adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eclipse and the characters in the Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyer. I’m just sprucing things up.   
> This chapter includes direct quotes from Eclipse Chapter 4
> 
> Don’t worry—I’m not going to make you read through a DND session, or anything close to that, even though it feels like that’s where this is headed.

When the Cullen coven had grown to seven in the Fifties, Esme made it a personal mission to find activities for us to partake in as a family that didn’t involve blood, not only help us feel more human but also strengthen our bond. Boardgames became quite popular in the Sixties, and like many other mothers, they had lured Esme in with promises of family togetherness. She forced us to try them all: Boggle, Risk, Monopoly, Cosmic Encounter. Unfortunately, boardgames never went over well. They usually ended up in a heated argument, where either Alice or I would be accused of cheating, and someone would always end up with a missing limb.

When she had given up all hope after the Scrabble Incident of 1973, Carlisle and I took over on her behalf, constructing a list of essential criteria. Our mystery game had to be collaborative,—so my mind reading would be advantageous—randomized,—so the outcome would be too blurry for Alice to see right away—and exciting—to hold Rosalie’s interest long enough for her to see through to the end. Dungeons & Dragons happened to check all the boxes. Carlisle and I had purchased one of the first editions back in the Seventies, and our family played a campaign with every new edition.

The family hadn’t played since I had fallen in love with Bella. First, because my instant obsession with her didn’t leave much time for our typical eight-hour sessions. Then, it was because I was dead. Most recently, we pushed back our sessions because I was waiting for an opportunity for Bella to join our party.

Tonight was finally that night. It was the first Friday since our return that Bella was free to leave the house. I had arranged these plans right after I discovered Bella’s freedom, but my dread for this day steadily grew over the course of the week. Every afternoon, Jacob Black had called Bella to apologize and confirm their plans for Sunday. In turn, those plans seemed to be the only thing on her mind. She questioned me about the road Jacob spoke of, requested that we drive down it so she could see it, asked if Rosalie should look at her motorcycle first. A large part of me worried that she was beginning to find the time she spent with me painfully dull, forcing her to heavily fixate on the small amounts of excitement she could get from Jacob Black.

I sighed heavily while Emmett and I prepared for our session in the dining room. Alice and Bella had stayed after school to help Angela start her graduation announcements, so Emmett and I agreed to help set up.

Emmett looked over at me from where he sat, “Hey man, what’s wrong?”

“This is a bad idea.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been talking about introducing Bella to our party for weeks now.”

I inspected my miniature with a newfound disdain, “I’m a little worried about it, now.”

“Why?” Emmett asked, “DND kicks ass. And you thought Bella would like it.”

I sank into the chair beside my brother, “I know, but that was _before_ her friendship with _Jacob Black_ ,” I spat the name like an oath.

“What would being friends with some kid have anything to do with DND?”

I sighed again, “She’s different with him. They ride motorcycles together, hang out in his garage, go on hikes…”

“She hasn’t done any of that stuff since you got back,” Emmett pointed out.

“Only because she was grounded. Now she’s free again and can spend all the time in the world putting herself in peril with _Jacob Black_. She’ll probably take one look at our campaign, thinks it’s lame, and call him to save her.” I put down the mini before I could pulverize it by mistake.

“That’s not going to happen. Bella likes spending time with you—and us—more than she likes to spend time with him.”

“I don’t know about that,” I grumbled, “She said ‘motorcycle’ four times in her sleep this week.”

“Oh shit,” Emmett gasped in mock horror, “You should have started with that! You better let me know if she gets to five so we can call the police!”

“This is serious, Emmett.”

Emmett barked a laugh, “Wow, sometimes I forget you’re actually a seventeen-year-old brat, and then you say shit like this. It really shows your age, Eddie.”

I growled at him under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

“She’s your lame, dorky Bella, even if she did take on a few more hobbies while you were away. Besides!” Emmett slapped me on the back, “You’re the _best_ boyfriend for an aspiring adrenaline junkie. Jacob gives her a little motorcycle? You give her a flying car! Jacob takes her cliff diving? You take her skydiving! We have to resources to take her on the wildest adventures that little wolf could never dream of!”

He had a point. I could take Bella anywhere in the world to do anything she wanted. The trick would be convincing her to allow me to spend money on her. I frowned. I would also have to convince _myself_ to stand by and actually let her participate in her daring activities without my arm around her waist the entire time. I wasn’t sure which would be the easier sell. 

Emmett’s eyes brightened, “Remember that idea I had right when we moved back here?”

“Oh god,” I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, “Not Zip Zip Hooray,” I mumbled at the same time Emmett bellowed, “Zip Zip Hooray!”

He was in the attic and back down in a second, now waving a crude blueprint in the air, “The zipline course I designed for the Olympic National Forest!” He shoved the blueprint into my face; I batted it away.

“We can build a zipline course for our adrenaline junkie! She likes homemade gifts, right? Zip Zip Hooray would be the perfect graduation present for her!”

I hated how much sense his idea made.

As he babbled on about his zipline course, Jasper caught wind of the conversation from his workshop in the garage and appeared in the doorway, “Is that Zip Zip Hooray?” 

“No,” I growled, but Emmett boomed, “Hell yes!”

“Esme finally agreed to let you build it?”

“No, not yet. But here’s the key: we frame the entire project as a graduation present for Bella! There’s no way Mom can say no to that!”

“I can!” I argued, “Emmett, we are not letting my clumsy, accident-prone girlfriend anywhere near a homemade zipline course.”

Emmett held up his hands and shook his head, “You’re the one trying to be cooler to impress your own girlfriend, man. I don’t know what’s cooler than a zipline course.”

“What’s this now?” Jasper asked, sitting across from me at the table.

Emmett wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me against him, “Eddie thinks he’s gonna lose his girlfriend to a fourteen-year-old werewolf.” Emmett and Jasper laughed at my expense.

I shoved his arm off me, “He’s _sixteen_. And I’m not worried about that,” I lied, “I’m simply trying to fit myself into Bella’s new lifestyle.”

“What about a motorcycle of your own?” Jasper suggested, “Join in on one of her new hobbies and scoot that wolf out.”

“Now there’s an idea!” I might be able to mentally handle the idea of Bella on a motorcycle if I were riding alongside her, “Would you like to help me pick one out?”

Jasper rubbed his hands together, excited over the prospect of getting a new family vehicle, “Oh, absolutely.”

“Sorry, Em,” I patted my brother’s shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he shrugged, “One of these days you’ll come to appreciate the art of ziplining.”

I rolled my eyes, “Can’t wait.”

I made generic small talk with my brothers while Jasper helped Emmett and me finish up. Alice went over-the-top when it came to many things, but over-the-top didn’t even begin to cover it when it came to being Game Master in DND. By the time we were finished, the dining room table had been covered with a hand-made castle riddled with secret traps and treasure for the party to discover.

Finally, Alice’s thoughts entered into my range, slowly followed by the familiar chugging of Bella’s decrepit truck. I perked up immediately at the sound; Jasper nearly choked on the overwhelming surge of excitement in the room. I flew out the front door to greet her. The pain in my chest ebbed with each of her precious heartbeats as she approached.

I was at her door and lifting her up out of the cab the same moment her truck stopped. I leaned over, bringing my lips to hers ever so gently. Bella’s arms wound around my neck, her fingers digging into the hair at the nape of my neck as she kissed me back, warmly and passionately. I sighed against her closed mouth and she obediently opened hers. Ever so slowly, my icy tongue traced the shape of her beautiful lips; Bella groaned under me, trying to pull herself even closer. Her chest heaved under mine, and her warmth permeated me, making me feel more human than I ever had before. It was difficult to concentrate—to keep my touch gentle enough to avoid hurting her. Her tongue shyly entered my mouth, tentatively touching mine.

Which became too much.

“Hello,” she gasped when I released her lips. 

I chuckled, “Hi,” and went to nibble at her earlobe. It was much safer over here—far from her delicious lips and dangerous tongue.

Her fingers brushed through my hair, “Do we still have plans with your family? Or was the plan to ignore them while we made out in the driveway?”

“I leave tomorrow morning, and you have plans on Sunday,” I pressed my lips to hers, “I have to fit in an entire weekend of kisses right now.”

“Mmm,” she murmured around my lips, “Good call.”

Our lips were still locked when Alice’s thoughts leaked into my consciousness, _I swear to God, Edward, we had to put off our sessions for over a year because of your shenanigans. If I have to wait five more minutes I am going to scream._

I sighed and released all of Bella. “Come, my love,” I said, wrapping my arm around her waist, “Esme’s in the kitchen. She’s been dying to see you.” Flustered and mussed, we walked towards the house.

“She knows I already ate dinner, right?” Bella asked, unnecessary panic raising her heart rate, “I ate early tonight so she wouldn’t have to waste her time cooking for one person.”

“Doing things for you is never a waste of time,” I reminded her, “And no, Esme is not cooking you dinner.”

Among the many, many things I had to fix upon my return, one of the simpler things I had to do was help Bella bring her weight back up. She had lost at least ten pounds while I was away; it broke my heart to see her already slim body practically withered away. Her appetite was back, but my darling still ate like a bird, which wasn’t ideal for weight gain. For a few weeks after Italy, Esme sent me to Bella’s house with a large dessert every night in an effort to get her back to a healthy weight. Unfortunately, Bella’s father had a larger sweet tooth than she did and would end up eating most of it.

Tonight was Esme’s first attempt at savory. When Bella walked into the kitchen, Esme had just pulled out a fresh loaf of sourdough bread from the oven.

“Esme!” Bella cried as she entered the room. Esme took my girlfriend into her arms for a big hug. _She looks much better, Edward._

Bella’s eyes widened at the sight of freshly baked bread, “Esme? You bake bread now? When did this happen?”

Esme did not let go of Bella entirely, she just removed one arm and kept the other around her shoulder. “This is my first attempt. Please, try it and let me know how it is.”

I took the liberty of slicing off a large chunk of bread and buttering it before Bella could respond, “Okay!”

She plucked the bread out of my hand and stuffed it into her mouth, “Oh Esme,” she moaned, “This is amazing. I could eat the whole thing right now.”

 _That’s the plan,_ Esme thought, but to Bella, she said, “You can have as much as you want, dear. Because of the sourdough starter, I’ll be making a new loaf every day, so don’t feel bad about taking what you want.”

I sliced the rest of the bread while Esme and Bella quickly caught up and put it on a tray along with the butter. Bella followed me and the tray into the dining room where the game had been set up. She stopped dead in her tracks at the display on the table.

“We were exploring a castle during our last session,” I explained.

Dumbfounded, she walked up and fiddled with the operable portcullis and drawbridge at the front of the miniature structure.

“You play with dolls?” she asked. If such a thing were possible, I would have turned bright red from embarrassment. How ironic would it be if _this_ were the thing that made her run from me?

I swallowed my fears and held up the Dungeons & Dragons Player’s Handbook for her, “Would you like to join our game?”

“You and Emmett and Jasper?” she asked, her eyes tracing over the cover art.

I shook my head, “The whole family.”

She hopped back as the rest of my family seemingly appeared in their seats around the table out of thin air.

But she made no move to join them.

“We can do something else if you’re not interested,” I offered in a low voice.

“No, no,” she snatched the Player’s Handbook and hugged it to her chest, “I love it. I’m a member of the family now, so it’s only right that I participate in _all_ family activities.” Head held high, she plopped herself down at the table between Emmett and my empty chair.

The thought of her joining the family the way she envisioned filled me with guilt and shame. Jasper noticed the cloud of emotion and frowned at my reaction. Silently scolding me for being a fool, he addressed Bella with a smile, “Which character would you like to be? You can make one from scratch, or Alice prepped a couple of characters you could choose from.”

Bella considered that. “I would like to create my own, please.”

I took my seat beside Bella and showed her what she needed to choose from and where she could find it in the Player’s Handbook. As she read, I continued to slip pieces of bread in her hands for her to munch on.

“What are you?” she asked, her mouth full of bread.

“I’m a Human Bard named Dodger.”

“Only Edward would be a human in a fantasy setting….” Emmett stage-whispered to Bella.

“Why is Alice hiding behind a little cardboard fort?” Bella asked, inclining her head towards the trifold at the head of the table.

“Because I—” Alice stood on her chair, “—am Game Master! I am basically God to you people. Anything I say is law! I will not be questioned! I will not be silenced!”

“So, like, real life,” Emmett whispered again in Bella’s ear. She giggled.

Alice narrowed her eyes at Emmett but wasn’t actually insulted. In fact, she kind of liked the implication.

“What kind of character would you like to be?” I asked Bella, handing her another piece of bread.

“Hmm,” Bella poured over the pages while chewing, “I think I’m going to be an Elf Monk. Otherworldly grace and beauty plus enhanced strength and speed? Sounds heavenly,” she sighed dramatically, “If only such a thing were possible…”

I wove my fingers through her hair, “Laying it on a little thick, love?”

She shrugged, “I’m just saying. Such a thing would be a dream for someone like me. Not to mention how much better off the whole family would be if I had those things, too...”

“It’s called a Party in DND.”

She threw me an icy glare, “You know what I mean, Edward. I should be a vampire already.”

My teeth snapped together, “This is neither the time nor place for this discussion.”

She slammed the book closed on her lap, “Well, when is it, Edward? When Victoria has her hands around my neck?”

“That is never going to happen,” I practically growled.

“There are seven of us, Bella,” Carlisle said softly, trying to ease the rising tension, “And with Alice on our side, I don’t think Victoria’s going to catch us off guard. I think it’s very important, for Charlie’s sake, that we stick with the original plan.”

After our return from Italy, my lovely girlfriend had taken it upon herself to put the subject of her immortality to a vote. Of course, every member in my family—save Rose and me—fully supported the notion. Bella was ready to endure the life-ending bite then and there, but I managed to convince her to stay human long enough to create a suitable alibi.

I was unhappy with the result. Of course, I wanted Bella forever and always. However, the thought of stealing away her precious humanity and perfect soul still tortured me. If I allowed her to give those things up just so I could keep her, it would be the most selfish thing I would ever do. So, as Bella continued to push to be turned, I pulled away, placing small barriers as I went, hoping to delay the inevitable. I had already offered to change her myself in exchange for her hand in marriage knowing that would slow her down. She could always go to Carlisle whenever she wanted, but I knew how badly she wanted me to be the one to destroy her life, and marriage was the one condition that she would struggle to adhere to. I had recently added the stipulation that I would not change her while she felt threatened, so as long as Victoria was alive and hunting her, Bella would remain human. A fact that she was less than thrilled with.

“But she already got away!” Bella argued, “Turning me is the best thing for us to do!”

“We’d never allow anything to happen to you, sweetheart,” Esme added, “You know that. Please don’t be anxious.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about! You all have to put yourself at risk! Emmett could have gotten hurt by the wolves!” Bella cried.

“Are you joking? I loved the tussle with the pack!” Emmett just shook his head and laughed, “I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much fun with you around.”

Rosalie shot her husband a warning glare.

Bella crossed her arms and huffed, “It’s stupid to wait until I’m not threatened. I can’t just be sitting here, weak and tasty, waiting for Victoria to slip through the fence!”

Alice scoffed at the idea of Victoria getting through her visions, “I’m offended. You’re not honestly _worried_ about this, are you?”

“Of course I am!” Bella bellowed, “How are you not?”

Alice shrugged, “Because _one_ vampire against seven is no big deal.”

“If it’s not a big deal, then why did Edward drag me to Florida?” Bella challenged.

 _Because he’s a big ol’ drama queen._ “Haven’t you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to overreaction?” Alice asked sarcastically.

“This is the guy who ran away to Alaska because a pretty girl who smelled good was nice to him,” Emmett said to Bella, “The same guy who pulverized a tree on his first date because he wasn’t sure how to kiss a girl. The _same_ guy who—,”

“Thank you, Emmett. We get the point,” I reopened the book in Bella’s lap, “Why don’t we get back to the task on hand. We have an entire horde of goblins to eradicate, and we could really use an Elf Monk to help us. You can argue with me about the conditions of your change later.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Bella looked back down at the Handbook and began reading again—a sure sign that she was dropping the subject for the time being.

“What will your name be, Bella?” Alice asked.

“Hmm…” Bella considered. “Cathiet… or um, Juthy!”

“Bless you?” Emmett said warily.

She looked at Emmett, “Are they bad?”

“Why don’t we help you out, love?” I suggested. “What are you trying to accomplish?”

“Well, I thought it would be cool if I combined the names Juliet and Cathy, since they’re my favorites…”

My family stayed silent.

Eventually, she got there herself, “I guess that was a bad idea… Okay. I’ll be Imogene. Imogene the Elf Monk.” 

I handed her the character sheet I had already filled out on her behalf, “Welcome to the party!”

**OoO**

“Edward?” Rosalie caught me in the woods, outside of hearing range from our family readying themselves for our hunting trip at the house. I had just left my Bella sleeping soundly after she stayed up well past one in the morning having the time of her life as an Elf Monk and was already becoming agitated from the separation.

“What is it, Rose?”

“I was going to ask you a question… but then I decided I didn’t want it to be a question. I’m going to tell you something I’m going to do.”

It was hard to not act petulantly when dealing with Rosalie. She always brought out my worst, most childish behavior, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to tell Bella my story.”

I gaped at my sister. She was always so protective, so allusive. I couldn’t believe that she was willing to open up to Bella.

Rosalie continued, “It’s not in the way that you think, Edward. It’s not supposed to be a _bonding_ thing. I’m hoping to convince her not to turn.” 

“Thank you for letting me know,” I didn’t know why she was telling me if I didn’t have a say in the matter.

“I don’t even know how I’m going to sit her down to talk to her. She’d probably run in the opposite direction. I was wondering…”

“Of course,” I laughed once without humor, “Of course you would ask me to help you convince my girlfriend to leave me.”

Rosalie’s teeth snapped together, “This is why I _hate_ telling you things. You always act like such a baby. You _know_ she’s not taking this decision seriously, Edward!”

“I know,” I growled.

“I thought you wanted her to remain human!”

“I know!” I repeated.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know!” I yelled.

“But you do know that you don’t want my help?” she deduced.

“I _know_ I don’t want your help because you aren’t trying to help! You never wanted Bella in this family because of your own insane, selfish insecurities and you want to do everything in your power to keep her out!”

“You really deserve each other,” she yelled, “Two idiots convinced they know better than everybody else! You don’t know _anything_ , Edward!” This was expected. All of my conversations with Rose had to go through a passive-aggressive stage and a screaming match before we actually got to the point.

“I know that when I first fell in love with Bella, you were jealous because I _dared_ to show interest in someone that wasn’t you! I know that you _fully supported_ my decision to leave Bella and couldn’t believe that I forced the family to move back! I know that you will try to convince Bella that becoming a vampire is the worst mistake she will ever make despite never facing a single hardship in your life as a vampire!”

“Oh yeah, Edward,” she agreed sarcastically, “I’m _really_ thriving here.”

“That’s a joke, right?” I laughed, “That has to be a joke. You have had the easiest time as a vampire out of anyone! Your initial bloodlust lasted, what, a week? Maybe two? You’ve had immaculate control since the beginning. You have never, not once, had to deal with the _agony_ that comes with killing an innocent!

“And on top of that, you only had to be alone for two years. Not eighty! Just _two_ until your perfect soulmate literally fell into your lap! And he made his intentions clear from the start: he wanted you and he would do anything for you. Sweet, simple, and to the point. That’s Emmett for you. Not even Esme had it that easy. It took her and Carlisle _months_ to figure out their feelings for each other and that was _with_ my meddling. Who knows how long it would have taken them to get together if I couldn’t read their minds!

“The fact that you can remain so miserable after such a charmed life would be downright hilarious if I didn’t have to listen to your mental woes for eternity!”

She stood motionless—arms crossed, hip popped, eyebrow arched, “You done?”

I took a deep breath, and nodded, “Yeah, I am.”

“Great,” she smiled, “Don’t ever belittle my feelings, Edward. Just because you can read my thoughts doesn’t mean you understand them. And my _charmed_ life is nothing compared to what yours would be if you didn’t make so many dumbass decisions all the damn time. You whine and wallow because you’ve killed so many humans? Well, guess what? You _chose_ to leave home to play god. You cry because your little, human girlfriend is sad? You _chose_ to gaslight the girl for months on end and abandon her! Your self-inflicted misery from your own damn choices is _way_ more hilarious than mine.”

“Fine!” I agreed, throwing my hands up in the air, “We’re both ungrateful brats who live to suffer. Happy?”

“Thrilled!”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, “We have the most patient significant others in the world.”

“Tell me about it. This morning, I told Emmett that I hated the color yellow and if I saw anything yellow, I would lose it. I don’t even know why.”

I chuckled, “Really?”

She smiled and laughed once, “Yeah. He went through the house and got rid of all of the yellow for me.”

We laughed together—a little at ourselves and a little at Emmett.

“Edward, I know this is hard. Your relationship with Bella has been nothing short of a travesty, but I’m sure you two are going to make it. And if I’m going to have Bella as a sister, I need to know for myself that I did everything in my power to help her make the best choices. And I really, truly think that remaining human is best.”

“I know.”

“I’m not going to try to convince her to leave you. I don’t think _anything_ could convince her to do that. That girl of yours is as thick as a brick.”

I frowned at her; she raised her eyebrows, unapologetically.

“Besides, isn’t it why you left her? To show her how important her humanity is? Isn’t that what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want, Rose. Part of me agrees with you entirely—that she should run away from me and never look back. But the other part can’t live without her.”

“I’ll help her see what she is sacrificing with her choice. So she has all the facts laid out in front of her when she decides to join you. Don’t you think that would ease your conscious the teeniest amount?”

“I _guess_ ,”

“So, will you please help me talk to her?” Rosalie asked.

“Have you considering being nice and forming an actual, trusting bond with her?”

Rosalie cocked her head to the side.

“Fine. Forget it. We’ll spin it as a girl’s night,” I suggested, “You, Esme, and Alice can all share your stories with Bella. It will be a safe environment, where Bella will feel comfortable enough to listen to you. And you won’t have to feel singled out.”

“And you’ll have both Alice and Esme there rooting for Team Edward,” she pointed out. I smiled, “That certainly wouldn’t hurt.”

She rolled her eyes, but smiled, “I like it. Thank you, Edward.”

“Thank you, Rosalie. I know you’re doing what you think is best for Bella, and I appreciate it.”

“Everything really is about her with you, isn’t it?”

“I love her.”

“I’m glad Emmett will have someone with a miserable partner to confide in.” It was one of the nicest things she had ever said about Bella.

I laughed, “Come on now. Jasper is miserable.”

“Yeah, but he’s like actually got issues. You and I are miserable in a cool, aesthetic way.”

“True.”

We ran back to the house, arguing which one of us pulled off our misery better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh. I do love making Rosalie and Edward bicker like siblings. Rosalie may be a little bit of a bitch, but only because Edward was a lil bitch first. They really bring out the inherent bitchiness in each other. It’s inspiring and I love them for it.   
> But also, I am keeping it in my story that Rosalie talks to Bella. However, because I’m obviously taking out the kidnapping and all the idiocy that went along with it, it had to be intentional. The reason I’m making it a girl’s night is because I’m bitter that, in canon, the Cullen ladies never shared their experiences with Bella. Sure, Rose did and told her how hard it was to give up babies. But Esme and Alice never got to share their positive experiences with vampirism! 
> 
> Also, I feel like I have to remind you all every chapter that I’m not going to include the love triangle, despite Edward’s pessimism and jealousy.


	5. Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eclipse and the characters from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just like my ideas better.  
> This chapter contains direct quotes from Eclipse chapter 5.

Blasting his favorite Tom Petty album, Emmett raced down the narrow mountain roads at breakneck speed. He and Jasper howled along with Tom, scarcely paying attention to the road in front of them. Not that they had to. Besides, the only other car on the road was Rosalie’s M3. Even though the frame of the car was already shaking from the reverberation, Emmett cranked the music even louder, coaxing me to join the concert to force me into a better mood.

It wasn’t going to work.

As per usual, my mind was stuck on Bella. She would be getting up for her morning shift at the sporting goods store any moment now. Terrified that waking alone would bring back dark memories for her, I had left her a small note to remind her of my love:

_I’ll be back so soon you won’t have time to miss me._

_Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you._

It felt like I needed the words of encouragement as much as she did. It was a day— _one day_. I had survived without her for nearly one hundred years. One day was merely a drop in the ocean to an immortal. And yet…

Carlisle’s thoughts interrupted my pining. _You used to enjoy these trips._

That was before I had discovered the core of my universe, and before I nearly destroyed it with my own hands.

_I remember a time when hunting trips with your brothers and me were your favorite…_

It was true. I used to love the time away with my brothers and father, away from the girls. But it was difficult to find happiness when Bella was away from me, especially when there was a good chance she was suffering.

_You need to stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine._

That one got a reaction out of me. “You can’t know that” I seethed, “It’s too much too soon. What if she gets another panic attack?”

_Didn’t you just tell me it’s been a while since her last one?_

“Only because I’m there with her.”

_Which is wonderful—it’s progress. And now, she’s ready to make more progress by getting through a day without you._

“I don’t like it.”

_You don’t have to. You can’t coddle her forever, son. She will never get any better that way. We allowed you two to reacquaint yourselves, but now you need to work on spending time apart. It’s not healthy to be this dependent on each other._

“It’s worse for her to be in pain,” I hissed.

Cursed with an enhanced vampire mind, I could recall with perfect clarity every moment of the past several months. The goodbye in the forest, the endless, searing pain throughout, and the horrors that persisted even after my return—each one would haunt me for the rest of my limitless existence. With the added bonus of my _gift_ , not only was I plagued with each and every one of my memories but the memories of those around me as well. So, as Carlisle recalled the last time he requested an overnight hunting trip, I was forced to watch along with him.

**OoO**

Two days after our return to Forks, the family had only seen me only once, when Bella had dragged me to the house to vote on her immortality. I had been reverted into Bella’s ghost—lingering in the woods outside the school, following her around town, hiding in her bedroom while she made her appearance downstairs for Charlie’s sake. It would be a few more days until the Cullens could believably return to Forks officially, so there was no work nor school to force us into playing human. Although Esme was more than ready to have all of her children back under her roof, she let me be. She understood my happiness was rooted in all things Bella and didn’t want to take me from my happiness after so much pain. It was Carlisle who eventually put his foot down and practically dragged me back to the house.

Turned out, Jasper and Alice had ratted me out. My betrayers went to Carlisle and told him how long it had been since I had fed and the extent of my suffering. At the time, I had not fed since returning to Forks, and before that, it had been even longer since I had a proper meal. I had spent nearly a month laying helplessly in an attic in Rio, scavenging from rats. Before that, I hadn’t had the will to properly hunt since November when I was first struck with the idea to go after Victoria. I was growing weaker, sure, but it was manageable. Especially when my trade-in was more time with Bella.

Once at home, Carlisle and I argued for a while—well, I argued while Carlisle demonstrated his never-ending patience. In the end, he informed me that I would go on a hunt with my siblings. Carlisle made it clear: I needed to feed on predators. No vermin outside of Bella’s house, no deer in the park; filling, sustainable predators. In return, I was able to wait until nightfall when Bella would be asleep so we would not miss out on our time together during the day. And—the kicker—Bella would stay at our house with Carlisle and Esme present.

The last request took a lot of negotiating: first with my parents, then with Bella, then with Charlie, but I felt it was warranted. Bella would often cry in her sleep from a nightmare, still convinced that I was gone, but the sound of my voice was always enough to calm her. My hope was that if she awoke in my house with Carlisle and Esme there to comfort her, it would be enough to convince her that I would be coming back.

Two hours later, Carlisle and Esme sat at the table in the Swan’s kitchen, pretending to sip coffee from the mugs that Charlie offered them.

“Bella and Edward had experienced significant physical and emotional distress during their time apart,” Carlisle explained, “I was able to care for my son before the damage that had taken its toll—prescriptions, exercise, therapy… Now that we’ve returned, I would like to extend the same care for your daughter.”

“Care for her how?”

“First of all, I would like to put Bella on several vitamins,” Carlisle began, “including iron.”

“Iron?” Charlie questioned.

“I’m fairly certain she’s anemic.”

“Oh.”

“Second, if she’s anything like Edward, she experienced panic attacks. I imagine their reunion will be enough to stop them, but if they persist after she’s back on a regular sleep cycle and a healthy diet, I have a list of recommended consultants to prescribe medication to help her.”

Charlie cautiously took the list out of Carlisle’s hand, “I see.”

“Finally, I would like to get some fluids into her, including a B-12 injection. I have all of the supplies at the house, or we could make an appointment at the hospital. Which would Bella prefer?”

Charlie called his daughter into the kitchen. Bella slipped out of my embrace from where we cuddled on her bed and followed her father’s voice downstairs to be caught up on Carlisle’s request.

“Dr. Cullen would like to know if you would like this done at the hospital or at his home,” Charlie concluded.

“Your house, please,” she squeaked.

Carlisle nodded. “Alright.” Then to Charlie, “The kids were about to leave for a camping trip this weekend. Esme and I were going to make Edward stay home, but maybe we’ll let him go so the house will be empty and quiet.”

Esme placed a hand on Carlisle’s. “We could find some way to turn it into a punishment,” this was her way of poking fun at me, “Make him set up all the tents alone.”

Amused by his wife’s joke, Carlisle nodded, “Or carry all of the equipment himself.”

“Or be Rosalie’s personal assistant for the whole trip,” Bella suggested with a grin.

“Oh, he’d hate that,” Carlisle chuckled, “That’s the one, Bella.”

The parents laughed and Carlisle made the fake call to Emmett, relaying all of the information we already knew was coming. They stood and readied themselves to leave.

“N—now?” Bella asked when Esme beckoned her to follow them.

Charlie patted Bella on the shoulder, “Now’s as good a time as ever, kid.”

Back at the house, I was ready to join Bella for dinner, only to be preemptively kicked out by my parents. Carlisle and Esme “didn’t want to betray Charlie’s trust any more than they had to,” so the house had to be empty for Bella’s stay that evening. Apparently, betraying _my_ trust was perfectly fine.

To Bella’s horror, Carlisle was forever true to his word and had also administered the IVs he had discussed with Charlie. Esme held Bella in her arms throughout the entire ordeal. After Bella was cared for and sipping tea beside Esme on the couch, Carlisle called up Charlie to complete the ruse. Carlisle informed Charlie that Bella has fallen asleep from the drugs and asked him whether or not he should wake her. As we all suspected, Charlie said to leave her be.

They had an ulterior motive as well, it seemed, for there was a chunk of the evening they would not disclose with me then and Carlisle had skipped over as he reminisced. Bella didn’t share any of the specifics either, only willing to reveal that the three of them had a heart-to-heart that night. I imagined it had something to do with the hurt my parents suffered for their role in abandoning their newest daughter for their eldest son.

That night, Bella had fallen asleep in our luxurious guest bedroom. Carlisle and Esme watched fondly for a while, suddenly understanding my desire to stay with her throughout the night. They eventually retired to their own bedroom to share a few intimate moments together in front of their fireplace while their supernatural children were away.

The last thing they expected was the blood-curdling scream erupting from the guest room an hour later. They dashed for Bella; Carlisle tore the door from the drywall in desperation to reach his human daughter. They discovered Bella sitting upright in bed, crying into the darkness.

Esme was immediately at Bella’s side. She reached to stroke her face, but Carlisle stopped his wife, “We shouldn’t touch her while she’s like this,” he whispered.

“He’s gone!” she shrieked incomprehensibly between sobs.

Esme cooed softly to Bella, “Bella? Pet? “desperately, she looked to Carlisle, “Why isn’t she responding, honey?”

“Night terrors,” Carlisle concluded. “She’s having a nightmare.”

“What can we do?” Esme begged. 

Displeased with the clinical response he had to give, Carlisle sighed, “It’s best to do nothing. Let it run its course. She should settle down and return to sleep in a few--,” his sentence was interrupted by another shriek from Bella, “—minutes.”

“Edward!” Bella cried out.

“Shh… shh Bella,” Esme cooed, “Edward will be home soon.” Bella continued to cry out in the darkness; Esme whimpered along with her.

After the longest ten minutes of their immortal lives, Bella’s cries ebbed and she settled back into slumber.

“Poor baby,” Esme breathed. She adjusted herself so she lay beside Bella in the bed. At the contact of her cold, hard skin, Bella immediately clung to her. Automatically, Esme wrapped her arms around Bella and snuggled her closer. Carlisle sat beside his wife on the bed, looking on at them wistfully. 

“Has Edward mentioned night terrors to you?”

“No,” Carlisle frowned, “But it’s possible she doesn’t experience them with him around. Bella suffered greatly from our absence—more issues may arise that Edward doesn’t know about.”

Esme tucked Bella’s head under her chin and shook her head, “What have we done?”

Carlisle took his wife’s hand and kissed her fingers one at a time, “Nothing we can’t fix. Together.”

**OoO**

“Carlisle…” I groaned. I wasn’t sure what his memory was supposed to do for me. All it seemed to do was feed the desire to run back to Bella.

_I know how much it hurts to see Bella in pain, Edward—I experienced it myself. It was agony not to pull her from her night terrors, but waking her would have done her more damage than good. And in the end, she was okay, because she knows the truth now: that you are here and that you love her. You need to give her the space to progress._

“How about I go back and keep an eye on her?” I offered, “She would have a night alone, but I could be there right away if she needed me.”

 _No. This time apart is for you as much as it is for her. You need to make progress too, son. You still ache the mere moments you are away from her. You spend every moment of every day worrying after her. You can barely make it through a conversation that doesn’t involve her,_ he shook his head _, your inherent obsession with her is not healthy._

As always, he was right. No one else in the car was experiencing intense physical distress but me, though we had all been separated from our mates for roughly the same amount of time. In fact, their minds weren’t on their mates at all, and I knew their love burned just as intensely as mine did for Bella. For a long time, I used Bella’s humanity as an excuse for my obsession and my angst—I only had a short time with her and had to make the most of it. But now, as the promise of a forever with Bella shone brightly in my future, I didn’t have that excuse anymore. Without that excuse, I couldn’t figure out what my problem was, let alone how to fix it.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.

He put his hand on my shoulder. _That’s alright. You and I are going to figure it out together. Start by taking this weekend to care for yourself. I want you to lose yourself in the hunt. I want you to enjoy hunting again._

Easier said than done.

There wasn’t nearly enough time for me to properly hype myself up or come up with a plan of escape. Too quickly, the Jeep was rumbling down the invisible road Emmett liked to park on in the middle of the woods. Jasper and Emmett were out of the car in a flash, already lost to instinct. At an exaggerated human pace, I climbed from the Jeep. Carlisle stood beside me, waiting for me to begin.

_Alice will be watching. You know if she sees Bella in too much distress today she will let you know and send you back. Try. Try for Bella._

Ah, there were the magic words—the ones that could enable me to do anything. _Try for Bella._ Everything I did, everything I am, was for Bella.

I shook my hands and cranked my neck to the side like an athlete preparing themselves for a big play. Carlisle snickered at my theatrics and encouraged me to go ahead with a wave of his arm. I ran into the woods at top speed, with my nose as my guide.

I eventually stumbled across my preferred prey: a mountain lion. I followed the scent through the trees for a bit, but before I could reach the animal, familiar thoughts slid into my mind. Alice pounced down from the treetops and prowled around the woods on the opposite side of the wild cat, silently daring me to fight her for it. I hopped down from my place in the treetops as well—my silent way of accepting her challenge—and prepared myself for a fight with a psychic.

Alice preferred defense—her gift of foresight gave her the ability to see her opponent’s next move and she could plan accordingly. If I wanted any chance at victory, I would have to force her into offense. Instead of running towards her, I ran towards our prey. I reached the mountain lion a second before she did, forcing her to attack me to prevent me from killing it. She made all of the first moves, allowing me to close off my mind to instinct and perry her hits without thought.

After I deflected a flurry of blows, the cat darted away and the two of us put our sparring on hold to chase after it. I was faster than Alice, but she was able to see where the cat was headed. She took a shortcut to end up at the cat’s destination and waited for both of us to arrive. She snapped the creature’s neck, knowing I would have to go at her quickly, lest the blood would cool, and put herself back on defense. 

I dove at her, exploiting her greatest weakness: Indecision. _Should I go for her neck or arm? Neck or arm? Neck or arm?_ Waiting until the last possible second, I dove at her arm, leaving her with almost no time to react, and ripped it from its socket with my teeth.

I held her detached arm like a fencing foil and stepped back into a lunge, “En garde.”

Alice frowned and snatched her arm from my hand, “Touche.” She stepped aside to allow the victor his spoils. And, oh, how victory made the animal’s blood taste sweeter.

When the animal was drained dry, I sat back on my haunches, shocked at my exuberance over feeding. For almost a year, hunting was nothing but a necessary evil that took me from Bella’s side. I would feed as quickly and effectively as possible, never savoring the taste, never engaging in the thrill of the hunt. Alice’s fighting brought that back to me—for the time being, at least. She helped me dig a mountain-lion-sized hole in the earth and bury the carcass.

“Best two out of three?” I offered.

“No, I had already stolen a bear from Emmett before I found you. See?” She tilted her chin up and fluttered her newly-golden eyes at me. “And in about an hour, Rosalie is going to find a gray wolf I’m going to want.”

“You really only like to steal food out of our mouths, huh?”

She laughed, unashamed, “It’s the only fun way to hunt! You should try it! I could tell you where Emmett or Carlisle will find their next kill; fight them for it!”

It was rather enjoyable fighting Alice for prey, and I wanted to take her up on her offer, however, there was something more pressing she should be searching for.

She misunderstood my pause and continued speaking, “Or, you could always go out there and find them. Hunting the family could be just as fun as hunting prey.”

Ashamed, I looked down to pick out the dirt and blood wedged between my fingernails. Thankfully, I didn’t have to speak the question out loud, all it took was the decision to ask it. Alice and I both watched myself admit my weakness and ask her to search for Bella.

“Carlisle asked me not to check around you. This is supposed to be your time away from her.”

“I know,” I grumbled, this time out loud, “Please?”

“Fine. But I’m not doing it to ease your fears; I’m doing it to prove you wrong.” Alice searched the future for Bella. Her shifts at Newton’s Sporting Goods Store often passed with little to no excitement, and today was no exception. Bella was adjusting hiking boots on the shelf, so they were all aligned perfectly straight.

“Slow day,” Alice commented.

We watched Bella search the store for something to tidy before she settled at the front counter and began cleaning between the keys on the register.

A new decision was made. Bella was now in her truck, driving home.

Alice and I frowned at the change—what did it mean? Was there a catastrophe at the store? Was she fired? Sent home? Alice flipped through a few visions: Mrs. Newton speaking to Bella, Bella at home reading, Bella standing in front of the store’s bulletin board.

Then another change.

Before our eyes, Bella had disappeared entirely. Faded into blackness.

“Crap,” Alice muttered, “She must have decided to call up that wolf.” But I scarcely heard my sister.

She was gone.

Bella was gone.

I couldn’t bring her face to my mind. I couldn’t recall the sound of her voice. I couldn’t remember her alluring scent that changed my life forever.

I ran. Not even bothering to duck under branches or skid around trees, I sprinted through the forests at top speed. Just like with everything else in my life, I left only destruction in my wake.

Her house. I raced through the entire thing and then the perimeter Her sweet scent was fading; she had not been there for hours. _She’s gone._

The sporting goods store. Silent as a ghost, I traced every nook and cranny of the store. Her scent trailed out the front door and towards the parking lot before it disappeared entirely. _She’s gone._

The grocery store. The school. The police station. _She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

I ran the entire length of the tiny town of Forks. To Port Angeles. Back to Forks. There was no sign of her or her red Chevy.

Somewhere, I stopped running. There was no way to tell where. The world had faded around me, sucked into the void along with the core of my existence. I sank to my knees and waited for the darkness to consume me as well.

_She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

“Edward? Oh, God! Mom, I got him!”

I could hear several voices, none of them the voice I was searching for. Small hands wrapped around my wrists, trying to pull my hands away from my face.

_She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

“Edward!” the wrong voice kept trying to call to me. I didn’t want to follow it. I only wanted to hear one voice, but it was gone.

“Bella’s okay!”

_She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

“Emmett!”

“Dear God, what happened?” another wrong voice.

“Edward?” asked a third.

_She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

I wanted the voices to go away. I wanted everything to go away. If I couldn’t see the one thing that mattered, there was no reason for me to exist anymore. I closed them out. I closed everything out and sank further into darkness.

_She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone._

_._

_._

_._

_._

“Edward?”

It was the voice. The one I had been searching for.

“Oh my god, Edward!” The sound of footsteps came running towards me. A perfect hand rested on my cheek. It felt like fire against my ice-cold skin, but its scorching heat brought me back to myself. Using this small, hot hand as an anchor to reality, I took in my surroundings. We were in the middle of the woods. My angel’s face was mere inches away, twisted with fear.

“Bella?” I never wanted to do that—say her name like that. Needy and pathetic, like I couldn’t seem to help myself. What would she think of me now? The one who was supposed to be her strength was now falling to pieces before her eyes.

“Yes? Oh, Edward!”

My lips were fierce when I leaned down to kiss her, licking the seam of her mouth until she opens hers for me and flicking inside, desperate. She smelled terrible, but the wolf could never mar the exquisite taste of her. It felt like her taste was the only thing that could calm me. Soon, I was able to slow my kisses and ease the hands I had fisted into her hair.

“I’m fine,” I breathed when I released her lips.

“You’re not,” she whispered, fiercely, “Alice said that you were having a panic attack.” 

I winced at her words. “It wasn’t quite that…” The sweet smell of her breath on my face made it easier to reevaluate my reaction to Alice’s vision this morning. “It was more like an involuntary reaction. Something Alice saw reminded me of something else and my body reacted as it had before.”

“What was it?” she whispered.

I pulled Bella into my lap—I needed every line of her little body against mine if I was going to discuss any moment from our time apart. She wiggled into a comfortable spot.

“On the darkest day of my life, when I thought I had lost you forever, you went dark. You had taken everything with you when you’d leaped to what I believed had been your death. Your voice, your image, your scent…everything you’d given me was taken with you into the void. There was nothing. I was nothing. It was awful… For months the only thing I saw when I closed my eyes was your face, and then suddenly all that was left was black emptiness.

“And today, when you had gone to La Push on a whim and Alice saw you disappear in her visions…”

She gasped, “I went dark.”

“You were gone again. Everything was gone. I couldn’t find you.” I buried my face in her hair, but her scent was still gone. Masked by the wolf’s odor.

“Oh, Edward!” she cried wrapping her arms around my neck, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think; I didn’t know! They said I could leave work early and I decided to visit Jake! I thought it would be okay to go to La Push since you were already gone! I’m so sorry!”

“Please,” I begged, my treacherous pain leaking out of my voice, making itself known. I wished I could smell her sweet scent, “Please don’t go where I can’t find you.”

This time it was Bella who pulled my lips to hers, “I won’t,” she whispered between kisses, “I am right here. We’re going to be together forever, I swear it.”

Forever. Forever with my Bella. I wished guilt didn’t override the joy.

We sat like that for a bit, her curled against me, whispering her sweet promises while I smelled her hair, willing her scent to return.

“You know,” she started conversationally, after a long stretch of silence, “this morning, when I had first woken up to an empty bed in an empty room, I thought I was going to lose it. The rational side of me remembered where you were, but the irrational side is always louder. Luckily, I found your note and that shut the irrational side right up,” she smiled and traced a finger across my arm, “You always know just what to do to make it all better, even when you go away. I loved that note; I kept it with me all day.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded and fished it out of her pockets.

I reread the words I had written her that morning, “Maybe if I had a note, I wouldn’t have freaked out either.”

She turned her head to kiss the pocket on my shirt, right over my silent heart, “I’ll remember that for next time.”

Ugh. Next time. I only fed from one mountain lion—my eyes were probably still too dark. I would have to hunt again soon. I was already dreading it.

“We’re quite the pair, you and I,” she sighed.

It was coming—I braced myself for her disappointment in me. How I was weak for falling apart like that. Insane for losing myself so quickly and so forcefully. Pathetic for not being able to pull myself together. How could she expect to rely on me for help when I could not help myself?

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“For what?” She sounded genuinely confused. I smoothed down the little ‘V’ that appeared between her eyebrows with my thumb.

“For that,” I explained, “You should have never had to see that.”

She sat up, “Edward. Have you been hiding these from me?”

“No,” I said, honestly, “This was the first time it happened since I’ve been back. But it wasn’t supposed to happen. Not around you.”

She squeezed her fists around the fabric of my shirt, “Why not?”

“Because I’m back,” I explained, “We’re together and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I should not be panicking because you decide to visit a friend.”

“No. Why should it not happen around _me_?”

I looked down at her hands, “I'm supposed to be strong for you.”

“You _are_ strong for me. And sometimes, I’m going to be strong for you. If we're going to get past these things, we're going to have to work as a team. You’ll be strong when I’m weak, and then I’ll brave when you’re frightened,” she promised.

I understood what she was saying. For so long, I had lived as the odd man out—bearing all my burdens, carrying all of the weight alone. When I had finally found Bella, I had assigned myself the role of her guardian angel, so not only did I shoulder all of my burdens, but I took on all of hers as well. But that was wrong. With Bella as my partner, we were to carry our burdens together, as a team. And when one partner needed to take a bit more than their fair share, the other partner would be willing to give them what they needed out of love. We didn’t idly complete one another, we worked to fill in the gaps for each other.

“I’ll be calm when you’re nervous,” I vowed.

“And I’ll be fun when you get too serious.”

I kissed her ear, “I’ll be balance when you walk.”

“I’ll be patience when you’re in one of your moods,” she smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did we feel about this one? Last week, I had an entirely different chapter ready to post, and then after I reread it, it didn’t feel right. And then, this came out of me. I hope the point of this chapter came across clearly, I’m worried that it didn’t. Edward is so wrapped up in Bella, that he’s neglecting himself. And because of that, he’s made zero progress and flips out the second he can’t see her in Alice’s visions. And Bella reminds him that they’re partners in a relationship and will get through this together, which will allow for more honest and open conversations later on. 
> 
> I know some of you say I need to add apologies from all of the Cullen’s in this, and I wholeheartedly agree. I plan to do the entire apology from Jasper and Alice, allude to the one from Emmett, and get back to this one with Carlisle and Esme with a few highlights later on.


	6. Switzerland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eclipse and all of its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.   
> Okay… so this chapter is going to see a little random and out of place, but it will have a point later on. Please enjoy.

Ever since their Sunday afternoon together, Jacob Black had weaseled his way into Bella’s routine. Every day when I would drop Bella off at her house after school, he would be there. Waiting for her. And they would hang out in the dark spots of Alice’s visions while I was away. And when I would return to Bella’s house to spend my evening with her, he would linger an extra hour or so, to hang out with Charlie and enjoy the dinner Bella prepared. And even though I was where he longed to be—wrapped up in Bella’s arms in her bed or savoring her kisses in the kitchen, I was still jealous of _him_.

Jealous of his comfort. While I needed to justify my presence in the house, Jacob was always welcomed by the chief with open arms, able to come and go when he pleased. Without a single malicious thought I could detect, he would sit with Charlie, enjoying whatever game was playing that night, unintentionally rubbing his relationship with Bella’s father in my face.

Jealous of his humanity. He was a werewolf, but he was still more human than I. He could still eat along with the Swan’s, compliment Bella on her cooking, and actually mean what he said. He never had to lie to Bella’s father through his teeth, explaining away his weird, supernatural quirks.

Jealous of his humor. My time with Bella was always soft, quiet. We’d joke and tease and make each other laugh, but not like her time with Jacob. With me, she had never erupted into a hearty belly-laugh, wiping away tears, while I fueled the laughter with joke after joke.

Jealous of his light, buoyant personality. It was as if his presence warmed her like he was her personal sun. Meanwhile, I was a miserable grouch with literal frozen skin. While Jacob brightened up a room and Bella along with it, I pulled everything into darkness.

We were opposites in almost every way. And although Bella would still smile and fling herself into my arms each and every time I arrived at her home, it did little to ease the resentment I harbored towards him.

Today, I had dropped Bella off to Jacob Black holding up a box of brownie mix, taunting her that she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between her homemade and the box. She rushed out of the car to accept his challenge so quickly, she missed my mouth when she leaned over to kiss me goodbye. I stared at the closed front door for over a minute before Alice cleared her throat, reminding me we had somewhere to be.

 _Somewhere to be_ , I grumbled internally. Carlisle and Esme made it clear that my punishment would last until graduation, but it was beginning to seem excessive. I was fully aware that the crimes I had commit were well-deserving of some sort of punishment, but to force me to stay away from my girlfriend while she was hidden away with another seemed unnecessarily cruel. When we got home, we saw that Esme had pulled out her camera collection, from the first Leica she ever owned to her various polaroid cameras, to her latest and greatest toy: a Nikon pro digital camera. It was never a good day for the kids when the cameras were out.

Esme felt that she needed more candid pictures of the family, and she intended on fixing that problem by positioning us in more candid poses. For today’s forced-family-fun activity, she stuck us in various groups and pairs around the living room, in the backyard, along the river. After talking a million pictures pretending to play my piano because my face when I actually played didn’t look relaxed enough, I was done.

My mood was somehow able to get worse when Esme began posing the couples around the house. It was an unwelcome reminder that I was _here_ and Bella was not. While Esme was taking a few carefully positioned photos of Rosalie and Emmett sharing a private moment, she asked me, “Do you think you could grab Bella for a quick second, Edward?”

“She’s with Jacob.” The cut-throat cynicism in my comment brought everything to a crashing halt. Suddenly, everyone’s thoughts became song lyrics or book translations as they tried not to think. The awkward silence latest a few beats before Esme called Carlisle and Rosalie into the garage to stage some father/daughter pictures.

Jasper wasn’t the only one in the backyard who could feel the irritation radiating off of me. As I brooded, Emmett silently slipped away into the house. When he returned, he handed me a box with wrapping paper covered in cartoon cars and trucks smiling at me, wishing me a _Happy First Birthday._

Not only was it not my birthday, but we never felt the need to celebrate them before. “…Emmett?”

“Open it. It’ll make you feel better.”

Reluctantly, I removed the paper. Inside, there were two mounds of brightly colored nylon fabric.

He reached in the box and held one of the mounds out for me to see. It was a jumpsuit, with additional webbed surfaces between the legs and under the arms, “It’s a wingsuit!”

“What?”

“An activity for you and Bella! You said you wanted to try to partake in her new interests to boot the wolf out, so here you go. You’re going to take her skydiving in a wingsuit!”

“Emmett, I appreciate the thought but…” I started.

“These things are cool as hell!” he continued, “They basically turn you into a flying squirrel and let you soar through the air.” He made a take-off motion with his hands.

“You really want my accident-prone, _human_ girlfriend to jump out of a plane in one of these things?” I asked in blatant disbelief.

“What? Only like ten people die from skydiving a year.”

“And Bella would be one of those ten!” I exclaimed, “I need a less _fetal_ activity.”

“Your loss,” Emmett chucked the pile of fabric at Jasper, who caught it immediately, “Suit up, man.”

“What makes you think I’m going to fit into a suit you bought for Bella?” Jasper asked.

“Your slight, effeminate hips,” Emmett responded, matter-of-factly.

In an instant, Bella’s suit was shoved over Emmett’s head. Alice and I stayed on the porch swing, actively ignoring the wrestling match unfolding before us.

“Edward, I don’t understand why you feel the need to switch things up. Your future with Bella is as strong and secure as always. Her friendship with Jacob Black changes nothing.”

A loud tear of fabric told us Bella’s wingsuit will never take flight. Out in the yard, Emmett had broken free of the nylon suit and was now bulldozing Jasper down. Jasper was letting his brother get a few good moves to keep things interesting.

“I know,” I grumbled. Although the Cullen family loved to fully rely on Alice’s visions for all of our decision-making, we also knew that they could change in a second. My future with Bella was sure and secure now, but what about a week from now, when she comes to realize she’s happier with someone else? “I just want to make sure she knows I can be whatever she needs me to be.”

_And that includes a gateway to becoming an adrenaline junkie?_

I nodded, “Exactly.”

_Whatever, Edward._

“Look, I already asked Charlie if I could take Bella out this weekend, and while he didn’t quite say yes, he didn’t actively refuse. I’m sure Bella expects me to take her to some small, new downtown area with a small bookstore and a little café like I always do. But I want to use this date to surprise her with something exciting. Something she wouldn’t expect out of me.”

“Wing! Suit!” Emmett hooted from Jasper’s full nelson.

I shook my head, “There _have_ to be steps between sitting on a couch and skydiving.”

“What about the motorcycle?” Jasper asked, slamming Emmett's head in the dirt, efficiently turning our bulky brother into an ostrich. He flashed over to the porch with Alice and me and pulled his wife into his arms.

“The motorcycle is good, and I’ll still buy one, but that’s borrowing an activity from Jacob. I want something that’s entirely _ours_.”

“And running through the woods at a vampire speed to a meadow that no human can easily get to on their own isn’t enough anymore?”

“I don’t think so,” I sighed, “Not for my new, thrill-seeking Bella.”

Emmett pulled himself free from the ground and considered the activities humans found thrilling, “Rock climbing,” he proposed.

To double-check, I made the decision to take Bella on a rock-climbing date that Saturday. I pictured an indoor location near Portland, the time, and soon Alice was able to see how our date would go. She saw the two of us having a pleasant time, a few tender moments, followed by disaster. “Her harness will snap, and Edward will dash up to catch her, exposing us.”

Back the drawing board.

“Parasailing,” Jasper offered.

Alice checked the future, “She’ll get her foot twisted in the line attached to the boat and break her ankle.”

“Roller coaster,” Emmett suggested.

Once again, Alice shook her head, “A kid will throw up in her hair and then they’ll get stuck upside down in a loop for thirty minutes.”

I dragged my fingers down the face. There was a reason we stuck to safe, indoor spaces for our dates—everywhere else was a disaster minefield for the unluckiest danger-prone klutz in the world.

“Surfing,” Jasper called.

Alice’s closed off that vision right away, “Drowning flashback,” she whispered. My brothers flinched from the implication.

“Snowboarding,” Emmett offered.

I suppressed a snort. Bella would _hate_ snowboarding. Not only did she not like the cold or the wet, but there was no way she would be able to even _walk_ on snow.

To my utter surprise, Alice chirped, “That works.”

“What?”

She replayed her visions of our date as proof. Me holding Bella’s hands as I walked her down a gentle slope on her board. The two of us beside a firepit looking out onto the mountaintops beyond. In every vision, Bella was completely unscathed. “Snowboarding works,” she repeated.

“We still have those lifetime passes for the resort in Canada,” Jasper pointed out.

When we first returned to the Pacific Northwest, Emmett and Rose found a few vampire-level snowboarding runs near an established resort that we referred to as our private Octuple Black Diamonds. Carlisle informed his children that anyone who wanted to use the mountain would have to pay to use it like everyone else. That, plus the fact that Alice and Esme liked to play Snow Bunny in the high-end lodge, resulted in lifetime passes for the family.

“It _does_ look like you’re going to take her on the Cullen Octuple Black Diamond,” Alice agreed. And as proof, she showed me an image of Bella tucked safely into my arms, the two of us flying down the mountain.

“Plus, we already have the equipment,” Emmett added, “you won’t have to spend any money on her, which would make her happy.” That was true. I was only now breaking ground by getting Bella to allow me to buy her food at restaurants. She would have a fit if I tried to take her on a six hundred dollar skydiving adventure in a twelve hundred dollar suit.

“I can’t believe it,” I muttered, mostly to myself, “I’m taking Bella snowboarding on Saturday.”

**oOo**

“Edward,” Bella grumbled in the passenger seat in my car, “Haven’t you learned by now that surprises never work in your favor?”

I chuckled at her irritation. She hated surprises. In addition to the ‘mystery date’ I had pro2posed, she was also surprised with a bag filled with bagels from Seattle when she climbed into my car earlier that morning. Although she was on her second blueberry bagel with cream cheese, she let me know good and well that she did not approve of my breakfast. Bella had mastered the art of chewing petulantly. 

“The key to any good romance is spontaneity, sweetheart.”

“This breakfast was spontaneous! I would have never expected you to do something as insane as running three hours to Seattle for _bagels._ Can’t we just go back to your house? We can snuggle on the couch, finish that fantasy series you don’t like. Esme and I wanted to see what else we could bake with her sourdough starter.”

I had to admit, an afternoon cuddled up and reading with Bella sounded heavenly. However, it was more or less what we did every night. And I was eager to prove to Bella that time with me could be just as fun and exhilarating as her time with Jacob Black. Besides, Esme had promised to bake with Bella tomorrow while Jasper and I tested motorcycles. Even though Bella and I had to spend the day apart, it didn’t mean she couldn’t spend time with other members of my family. And if she was with Esme, she wouldn’t be with Jacob.

“Can you try it for a little bit? For me? I promise the second you are uninterested we can leave.”

“Fine,” she huffed, “But I’ll have you know, I already don’t like this. I don’t like that I’m wearing a sweater in May. I don’t like that you told me to bring extra socks. And I especially don’t like that we’re in the Jeep instead of the Volvo.”

We reached the ski resort in record time and it was finally time to begin an adrenaline-filled, no-money-spent date Bella would hopefully approve of. Once we were parked, I helped her out of the car. She took in our surroundings with a world-weary expression.

“Snow?”

I nodded.

“I’m uninterested,” she said, already getting back in the Jeep.

She was not getting out of this so easily. I knew how to be persuasive. In fact, the last time I had to resort to tampering with her memory had been in this exact Jeep. I was beginning to see a theme in our excursions. I eased her out of the Jeep and placed her in front of me. Leaning over with my hands on either side of her head, I stared into her chocolate eyes. When my face was only inches from hers, I whispered. “I thought you were growing to like cold things.”

“It’s _snow,_ Edward.”

I trailed kisses slowly down her cheek, stopping at the corner of her mouth, “Won’t you give it a fair chance?” My lips brushed against her lower lip. I felt her body tremble and resisted the urge to press myself against her from stem to stern.

She took in a shaky breath, trying and failing to find her argument.

“Please, Bella. Won’t you give _me_ a fair chance?” I asked with my lips touching hers.

“Yes,” she sighed in surrender.

With a sharp intake of breath, I took her face between mine and kissed her with more passion, and was absolutely safe. Bella responded eagerly to my kiss, twining her hands through my hair, pulling me towards her, and pressing her entire body into mine, point to point to point. Her lips parted, releasing her sweet breath across my face. With a triumphant smile, I stood up straight.

She exhaled, “One of these days, that’s not going to work anymore.”

I pulled her tight against my side. “I really hope not,” I chuckled.

A winding, tree-lined path funneled us from the parking lot to a traditional alpine lodge. The décor of cast-iron pine cone lights and antler chandeliers were a little on the nose, but the wood paneling and stonework did give the otherwise carnivorous room a cozier feel.

“Here,” I handed her the bag Alice had packed for her and kissed her hair, “Change.” She gifted me one more disdainful expression before disappearing into the ladies’ dressing room. While she was gone, I showed my passes to the appropriate people and made the proper arrangements for our day on the slopes.

“Oh my god,” I gasped when she stumbled out of the ladies’ dressing room.

“I know. I’m a giant marshmallow,” she grumbled, not realizing the object of my fascination.

“What on Earth is this?” I took her into my arms and touched the gathering of yarn at the top of her hat.

“This?” she reached up and squeezed it, “It’s a pom-pom.”

“Pom-pom,” I repeated in awe.

She giggled, “You like it?”

“It’s painfully adorable. I’m going to owe Alice big time for this one.”

With one hand wrapped around her mitten and the other arm carrying her equipment, I led us out the back of the lodge and towards the slopes. It was a sunny day on the slopes, but my hat, gloves, and mask covered most of my skin, but I was not the only thing throwing rainbows in the winter wonderland around us. Snow sparkled, frozen on the tree branches; glistening icicles hung from them like bats. I peeked down to see Bella’s reaction to the landscape, but her attention was drawn elsewhere. She stared at the ski lift in unrestrained horror. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that, Edward.”

“You won’t have to. You and I are going to start off on the bunny slope.”

“The bunny slope?”

“The bunny slope,” I nodded, “It’s for beginners.”

“They need a new name for it. It’s too degrading.”

“The Bella slope,” I offered.

“Ha, ha.”

Children on skis and snowboards _wooshed_ around us while parents and instructors failed to control the chaos. Bella looked over at the little rope contraption that the children held to cart them up to the top of the slope and threw me a _you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me_ look. Instead of subjecting her to any of that, we walked past the crowded area and to a spot typically reserved for private lessons that I had rented for her benefit. One of the perks of being a lifetime member of the resort. Careful of her footing, I led her to the top of the gentle slope. Once we were there, I knelt on the ground, indicating to her that she should follow. Disdainfully, she sank to the ground and allowed me to strap her onto the snowboard.

“We’re going start with standing up,” I instructed while standing up myself.

She frowned at me from her seat on the ground, “I’m happy where I am, thank you very much. I’ll scoot down the Bella slope from down here. It’ll be like sledding.”

I rose one eyebrow, ready to tamper with her memory once again.

She sighed loudly and dramatically, “How do I stand, Mr. Cullen?”

“Bend your knees and scoot the board towards your butt.”

She complied.

“Now, lean forward with your upper body and stand up.”

I caught her before she fell flat on her back.

“I’m already bad at this,” she huffed.

“It’s been five seconds, Bella. Everyone is bad at everything during the first five seconds.”

I positioned her so she was standing on her board, preventing her from sliding down the slope.

“So, I have to balance on this,” she gestured to the board, “and struggle to continue balancing on it across a sheet of ice to get down there,” she pointed to the end of the slope, “for _fun?_ ” Her eyebrows were practically touching her hairline.

I laughed at her apprehension, “Yes. Most people find it fun.”

“I’m going to die.”

“I will never allow that.”

I held her hands and began walking her down the slope. We made it all the way down in one piece, so I hoisted her into my arms, carried her up the path and we repeated the process a few more times. After thirty minutes, she was looking less afraid and more confident of her movements in the snow. She wasn’t obviously enjoying herself yet, but this wasn’t _really_ snowboarding. She wouldn’t feel the proper rush by me leading her down the slope.

I decided it was time for her to try on her own. At the top of our Bella slope, I released her hands. Within seconds, she was laying face-first in the snow. Her heartbeat was normal, her breathing was slow and even. Even so, it took all of my strength to force myself to get to her at a mere human pace. I knelt beside her, “This isn’t going well, is it?”

She pressed her cheek into the snow, “Edward. This is the worst date we’ve ever had. Including the one that got interrupted by three nomad vampires.” 

I pursed my lips. How did Jacob get her on a motorcycle? Did he let her give up? Did she _try_ to give up? Was I just so terribly boring that I made snowboarding feel like a chore? Perhaps it wasn’t the task itself she enjoyed, perhaps it was only the rush. Maybe if she snowboarded with _me_ that would pump her with enough adrenaline to get a smile out of her.

“This can be over, if you’d like. However, before I bundle you up in the lodge and buy you hot chocolate, would you like to go on a run with me?”

She peeked up at me curiously.

“A vampire run,” a whispered in her ear.

With the teeniest nod, she agreed. I helped her up from the snow and helped her unstrap her feet from her board. Careful of the snow, we walked back through the lodge all the way back to the Jeep where I pulled my board out from the back. I glanced around to be sure we were alone before I swept her up in my arms and sprinted to the Cullen Octuple Black Diamond. I stopped at the top of the mountain for a moment so she could take in the view—the cutest gasp escaped her lips when she saw how high we were. The mountains around us rose in snow-white brilliance.

“Down that?” she asked, staring in horror at the tree-filled path before us.

I set her on her feet briefly to attach my own boots to my board before scooping her up again. I tried to position her in a way where her head was tucked under my chin, but she could still see, “I’ll keep you safe,” I promised, “Ready?”

The two of us flew down the mountain at vampire speed. Snowboarding amid the tightly packed evergreens was different than merely running. On the mountain, moving over this canvas of snow, was when I truly felt like the artist Esme wanted us all to become, my snowboard moving as the tip of an artist’s brush, skipping over the soft waves of white. I would have to take her more often—her extra weight provided an extra challenge I appreciated. My careful positioning turned out to be pointless, for she shoved her face into the crook of my neck the moment we took off.

It was surprisingly similar to the first day we spent together in our meadow when I ran her back to her truck. The exhilarating speed, the thrill of narrowly avoiding trees, Bella’s weight, light and alluring against me, her little face hidden in my neck. Her reaction was understandable then, but now it confused me. I thought she _liked_ the rush now—so much so that she would actively seek it out. But she was clearly afraid. Her arms were like vices around my neck, and she released sharp inhales through clenched teeth the few times we were airborne.

Was this how she behaved on her motorcycle? Panic nearly choked me as I realized _this_ might be why she liked biking with Jacob Black. Unable to stop myself, I envisioned her perfect body wrapped around his on the back of his bike, her little face hidden in his shoulder blade. I imagined him reaching back to smooth down the tangles of her hair when they stopped, his large hand resting on her porcelain cheek to comfort her. Taking in how beautiful she looked—the windblown hair, the blush across her cheekbones, the redness of her lips—he would be unable to resist himself as he leaned down to— _Gah_ —I was saved from my nightmare by a hairpin turn. Barely missing the tree, I came back to myself on this snowy mountain with Bella safely encased in my arms.

 _My arms_ , I reminded myself. She picked _me_. Not him. Nothing like that could ever happen between the two of them. They were friends and nothing more. At least, that’s what my head was telling me. My treacherous heart, however, feared the worst.

I was still reeling from my reverie by the time we reached the bottom of the mountain. Bella was not in a better state, she was still squeezing herself against me as tightly as she could manage. 

I lightly touched her hair, “Bella?”

Tentatively, she peeked out from her hiding spot.

“It’s over, love.”

She released a shaky breath. “That was fun,” she lied. 

I kissed her hat, “We will never do that again.”

She slumped against me, “Oh thank god.”

I laughed and placed her back on her feet. Carefully, I led us through the trees back to the public area of the resort. Our exit from the middle of the woods rose a few eyebrows, but most people brushed it off as two teenagers making out in the woods. If my skin wasn’t the same temperature as the snow, they would have been right. Back in the lodge, Bella and I changed into dry clothes. As usual, I was quicker than she, and took the time to rent a private fire pit for the rest of the day into the early evening and ordered her hot chocolate and a charcuterie board.

When Bella found me near the fire, she was back in her simple sweater and leggings from this morning, with the addition of the pompom hat for my benefit.

She gave me a speculative eye as she sat beside me. “How much—,” she started.

I already knew what she was going to ask, “Don’t,” I interrupted, “We’re learning to complete each other, remember? And I’m going to be comfort when you’re suffering. I know there is no greater suffering for you than snow. And from what I can tell from the human mind, there is no greater comfort than cheese.” I held out a bite for her, “Eat.”

She accepted my offering, “I believe there’s no greater comfort than _you_ , but you’re right. Cheese is up there.” She snatched a second cracker off the board.

“Thank you,” I brushed her hair behind her shoulder. “It feels good to be out on a normal date with you.”

She raised an eyebrow at me.

“Okay, we had one brief, vampire intermission, but you have to admit, most of our day we could have passed for a normal couple.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be a normal couple,” she mumbled, piling various toppings upon a cracker.

“I do,” I admitted, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to sacrifice anything for me. Whatever you want of me or from me is yours. Including normalcy.”

“Edward, you have already given me _you_. That’s more than enough, I don’t need anything else.”

I didn’t understand how that could be true. My presence alone took so much from her. How much would she be willing to give until she realized how little she was getting back?

I wasn’t sure what she saw in my face, but whatever it was brought a sad smile to her lips, “Thank you for the extra thought and effort you put into our relationship. It’s unnecessary, but I still appreciate it.”

I leaned in for a quick kiss, “You’re welcome.”

She pushed me back against the cushions of the couch and pulled my arms around her. We faced out towards the large window, overlooking the snow-capped mountains beyond.

“I think I’m willing to give this kind of snow a fair chance,” she stated, as I passed her the hot chocolate.

“You mean looking at it from far away in the arms of a frozen man?”

She nodded, “Exactly.”

“You know what would make this perfect?” she asked.

“A book?” I reached into my bag and pulled out the final book of the fantasy series we were reading. She brightened at the sight of it the same way she brightened for Jacob. I had to swallow my _whoop_ of satisfaction.

Facing us towards the window so we could still enjoy the view, I held the book out for us to read together.

“Perfect,” she said, snuggling against my chest, hot chocolate in hand. “Absolutely perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firmly believe that if SM included one (1) scene of Edward and Bella casually hanging out like actual teenagers in love, there would be less diehard Jacob stans. She reserved all the fun, light scenes for Jacob, while everything with Edward was so serious and heavy. You can barely see Edward’s humor peeking through with lines like, “Penguins, lovely” or “Did you run over someone’s cat?”, but Jacob’s humor is put on full display. So people tend to side with Jacob because it seems like Bella only has fun with him. And you can’t even blame them! SM wrote it to feel that way!!  
> Sorry for the rant…   
> Also, I just want to check in with everyone. Is Edward’s jealously at a tolerable level? How are we feeling about Bella? I’m trying to make it obvious that she only sees Jacob as a friend, and that she has no conflicting emotions about it because that’s how she felt in NM. Remember, no love triangle.


End file.
